SACRAMENTO, CALIF. — (SMNNN) A user on the popular world wide web netsite “Twitter” hid 18 hidden caches of masturbation supplies on the Sacramento State University college campus early Tuesday morning. Multiple Sacramento State students and unrepentant masturbators in the city of Sacramento flocked to the campus to search for the […]
Big Masturbation has reportedly invented a device the runs on self-rape. The hussy pictured above is an agent of Big Masturbation. Her face is blacked out to protect the precious youth of B.L.U.F.F. She was spotted just outside the main gates of B.L.U.F.F. near the moat. She is a sinner, […]
By Cassidy Pen My dear friends in Lonnie and Christ, many of you remember my SRAS, Angela Pen. My days have been filled with the empty pain of loneliness since my beloved sras went missing. My spirit, cursed with hearing rumors of her capture at the hands of self raping […]
By: Cassidy Pen TEXAS – Firefighters are discovering that they must battle masturbating self rapists as well as dangerous brush fires. These heroes deserve more.
“Masturbation slowly eliminates the person’s own boundaries and constraints. Most healthy people want to masturbate and also have sex, but don’t/cannot. By indulging in masturbation, you are conditioning the body to always get what it wants. Think of a spoiled child, for example. Once masturbation is no longer enough, sex […]
WEST PALM BEACH, FLA — (SMNNN) Popular foodlike product producer “Kraft ‘Foods’” issued a recall of it’s ‘Velveeta Cheese’ product after incredibly high levels of semen were detected. The semen level issue was found after several customer complaints of an incredibly bitter taste began to emerge via the manufacturer’s Facebook […]
After many years of following the false faith of Scientology, the A-list actor has shocked Hollywood by proposing his candidacy for the lead role in the upcoming film “The Passion of Childs”. Directed by a brilliant mind of Myron Danus, the movie details the early years of modern day prophet and the spiritual genius behind […]
B.L.U.F.F AGRIBUSINESS- NEVADA (SMNNN) Recent surveys and polls taken by B.L.U.F.F students show the recent increase of sin-caused cancers, to be directly related to the dramatic rise in masturbation rates since 2002, when the survey began. Masturbation rates have always been historically linked to the rise and fall of civilizations […]
WEST PALM BEACH, FLA — (SMNNN) Just days after the unjustified removal of the Stop Masturbation Now Facebook netpage, a mysterious karmic retribution occurred as millions of international users of the netsite were unable to login and harass Lonvidians. Users across the globe were met with an error message on […]
WEST PALM BEACH, FLA — (SMNNN) Professional wrestling Hall of Famer, Pete Rose, is seeking a “second chance” 25 years after being the first man banned from professional baseball for excessive masturbation. Rose recently admitted to his wrong doings for the first time ever after a confirmed visit to the […]
