FREETOWN, SIERRA LEONE (SMNNN) — The death toll of aid workers killed by those infected in the recent Masturbation Ebola outbreak in Sierra Leone has tripled in the last week. While local health officials were originally concerned with the deaths of those infected with the disease, the concern has turned […]
HUNTSVILLE, Ala. (WHNT) – Sarah Palin, arguably one of the most well-known women in the Republican Party in the last several years, horrified members of the Republican Party and supporters of her presidential campaign by walking on to the stage in full “O” face. Dr. David Copeland, Madison County Superintendent, confirmed […]
(Stop Masturbation NOW Sports)–Soccer was invented when all real sports were so dominated by Americans that all other countries needed to find something to be good at. So they put all of their combined resources together to invent a sport so boring that Americans would rather just not take part […]
Florida – The increase in masturbation by unclean Mexican immigrants while working in Commercial Orange Groves has caused an unprecedented new disease to strike America’s precious store of citrus fruits. The disease, known as Fruitesticling, has infected almost 70% of citrus in Florida over the past few years. It reached California […]
(STOPMasturbationNOW)– Bushels of mexican children are being bused to Safford Arizona after Texan concentration camps began to overflow. Hundreds of these parentless heathen children are being assigned to the care of Brother Lonnie Childs via the STOP Free Will NOW Summer Camp (featuring Carman Liciardello) Campaign, bless his heart. For […]
LIBERAL HOLLYWOOD, CA (SMNNN) Professional weight loss advocate and part time actor, Jonah Hill told the media that he lost his cool with a masturbator and is completely devastated that he did not work harder to convert them. Liberal Media stronghold, TMZ, released video footage of Hill telling a half […]
According to King Lonald Holy Bible, God told Abraham to circumcise himself, his household and his slaves as a means of discouraging masturbation. For centuries, God-fearing Hebrews have been circumcising their young to promote a healthy, non-masturbatory life style. Typically, they were betrayed by their own kind for few shekels. Chewing circumcised child foreskin as […]
WEST PALM BEACH, FLA (SMNNN) — Non-normal basketball icon, LeBron James, dodged a bullet last week during the first Game of the NBA Finals in San Antonio, Texas. James, who was forced to ride the bench during the crucial fourth period costing Miami the game, tried to pass the incident off […]
WEST PALM BEACH, FLA (SMNNN) — Actor Tracy Morgan remains in critical condition but is showing signs of improvement less than 24 hours after the party bus he was riding in was wrecked. Mr. Morgan was able to respond to several questions from investigators today which doctors are saying is […]
(StopMasturbationNow) — A self-rape induced outbreak of EF5 tornadoes swept across the Masturbation Belt this Sunday, June 8, 2014. The damage left by this rash of twisters has been described by local authorities as catastrophic, crippling, savage, and atheist. Over 275 lives were lost and over 3.1 million people […]
