Articles by: Stop Masturbation Now

Is Your Teen Going to End up a Homosexual Masturbator on Prom Night?

Is Your Teen Going to End up a Homosexual Masturbator on Prom Night?

(StopMasturbationNOW)—Prom night is as American as Apple Pie, the 4th of July or Baseball. It is a tradition, a right of youth and for many the night when they become an adult. People look forward their whole teen lives to prom night. The fancy clothes, a limousine, dinner, the dance, […]

by May 20, 2015 7 comments Lifestyle
Greatest Anti-Masturbation Song of all Time Turns 50 Years Old Today

Greatest Anti-Masturbation Song of all Time Turns 50 Years Old Today

(StopMasturbationNOW)—Most music since the 1930’s and FDR has promoted masturbation. However 50 years ago today the greatest anti-masturbation song of all time was released. Meat Loafs I would do anything for love but I won’t do that (Masturbate) was the first pop song that dealt with masturbation and the need […]

by May 19, 2015 4 comments Morals
New “Eyeball Ebola” Found Caused By Masturbation

New “Eyeball Ebola” Found Caused By Masturbation

(StopMasturbationNOW)—Many old wives tales are not correct. But did you know many of these tales have some fundamental basis that has lost its true meaning over the years? One of these is masturbation causes blindness. Many people laugh off this tale as a unsubstantiated claim made by schoolchildren. However it […]

by May 8, 2015 4 comments Science
Was the Great Wall of China Built to Keep Foreigners out or Orientals in?

Was the Great Wall of China Built to Keep Foreigners out or Orientals in?

(StopMasturbationNOW)—For years we have been lied to. The Chinese tell stories of how over a hundred years ago Chinese people built the Great Wall of China to keep foreign invaders out. New research by Brandon Walker at the Wyoming institute of Technology has revealed it is not the case. “After […]

by May 5, 2015 1 comment Foreigners, History
Mexico Punished By Huge Volcanic Eruption

Mexico Punished By Huge Volcanic Eruption

(StopMasturbationNOW)—Praise Lonnie Childs! The Calbuco volcano in the Mexican state of Chile continued erupting for the second week causing over 6500 people to flee their mud huts. The ash and fire has reportedly shot as high as 40,000 feet. About 1,500 people in Ensenada, in the foothills of the volcano, […]

by April 27, 2015 11 comments Foreigners, Weather
Lonnie Childs Releases 10 Point Plan to Address Compound Overcrowding

Lonnie Childs Releases 10 Point Plan to Address Compound Overcrowding

(StopMasturbationNOW)—The following is a release from Dr Lonnie Childs to the SMN fellowship… 4/21/2015 Greetings my friends. It is hard to believe we are already one third through 2015. These have been difficult yet promising times. The world has never seen so much evil and danger, yet those same evils and […]

by April 21, 2015 3 comments B.L.U.F.F., Compound News
Are You Wiener Warrior or Slave to your Weiner? Interactive Quiz

Are You Wiener Warrior or Slave to your Weiner? Interactive Quiz

(StopMasturbationNOW)—We find that there are two types of people in this world. Those who control their urges, don’t masturbate, and therefore lead happy productive healthy lives. Then there are those who live to serve their penis, ones who constantly need to touch it in a cycle of shame, insecurity, dependency, […]

Mitt Romney Proves He would Have Been a Better President

Mitt Romney Proves He would Have Been a Better President

(StopMasturbationNOW)—We aren’t the biggest fans of Mormons we need their votes to help keep liberals in check, but their polygamy ways, weird beliefs, and soft stance on Masturbation conflict with the teachings of Lonnie. However in the last Presidential election Mormon Mitt Romney was defeated by Barack Hussain Obama in the […]

by April 7, 2015 3 comments Politics
Is Your Wife, Daughter, or Gay Son Masturbating With Household Items?

Is Your Wife, Daughter, or Gay Son Masturbating With Household Items?

(StopMasturbationNOW)—Masturbation in a home can be a most dangerous thing. Besides the obvious physical dangers you are also inviting Satan to live with you. Well fathers, you need to be on the lookout, wives daughters and the gays are self-raping with household items. As items such as hair curlers, baby […]

Parents: Think of Your Children Before you Masturbate

Parents: Think of Your Children Before you Masturbate

(StopMasturbationNOW)—Masturbation is the number one problem in the home. Parents that masturbate tend to have children that masturbate. Continuing the terrible cycle of self-rape, failed promises, missing family values, and disease. Fathers, before you didle your sin stick, think about your children, think about your daughter. Would you want your […]

by March 31, 2015 7 comments Family Values
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