(StopMasturbationNOW)—It’s funny how liberals always turn to science to disprove religion and conservative issues. From the scopes monkey trial to evolution, liberals trot out piece of scientific evidence after piece of scientific evidence. It’s funny how all that science goes away when it suits them. Despite everything about biology, liberals […]
Lonnie Childs has done it again! Word has come down from Iggy Azalea’s management that her ‘Great Escape’ tour has been officially canceled. The alleged rapper, Azalea, has long been considered a tool of the entertainment division of Big Masturbation. “Big Masturbation has used pop stars and singers as means […]
Lonnie Childs received great news over the weekend when the Graham County Juvenile Detention Center in Safford, Arizona delivered the results of a three-month study on the effectiveness of the Anti-Masturbation Strait Jacket®. According to spokesman Dennis E. Cross of the GCJDC, “We found Mr. Childs’s jackets were of great benefit to […]
(StopMasturbationNOW)—The following is a release from Dr Lonnie Childs to the SMN fellowship… 4/21/2015 Greetings my friends. It is hard to believe we are already one third through 2015. These have been difficult yet promising times. The world has never seen so much evil and danger, yet those same evils and […]
We at Stop Masturbation Now have been following the progress of Tina’s Law as it spreads across the United States. Brother Lonnie Childs, in His infinite wisdom, has made “penile monitoring” mandatory for all convicted and suspected male violators of the groundbreaking Anti-Masturbation law. Penile monitoring or, penile plethysmography, is […]
Another one of life’s great mysteries has been solved thanks to the tireless efforts of Lonnie Childs. Brother Lonnie was out walking the Earth as He does from time to time and found Himself in Western Oregon in the woods. The particular area Brother Lonnie was traveling through is renowned […]
![WWE Champion Brock Lesnar (image source: West Annex News [CC BY-SA 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons)](https://stopmasturbationnow.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/brocklesnar-174x131.png)
World Wrestling Entertainment fans can breathe a big sigh of relief as Lonnie Childs has convinced current champion, Brock Lesnar, to renew his contract with the company. Lesnar’s status with the “sports entertainment” group had been uncertain and Lesnar had hinted at a return to mixed martial arts fighting. Things […]
25:1 And the LORD spake unto Lonald, saying, 25:2 Speak unto the superior gendered children of B.L.U.F.F., that they bring me offerings: of every self celibate that giveth it willingly with his pure heart ye shall take my offering. 25:3 And this is the offering which ye shall take of […]
(StopMasturbationNow)— Next week the most important piece of literature ever published will be released. “The Prophecy: A Revelation of Lonnie Childs” will be published here free to all subscribers of this netsite. We bring you a sneak preview of a little bit of it. With the armies of darkness swarming […]
A miracle has occurred this week, as Stop Masturbation Now founder and American Hero, Lonnie Childs, has intervened to save the immortal soul of a parishioner known simply as ‘Thomas’. ‘Thomas’ was asleep in bed when a miracle sent by Lonnie Childs awakened him in order to alert ‘Thomas’ to […]
