Archive for August, 2014
Irresponsible ‘Share’ Campaign Breeding Ground For Disease
Sweet drink manufacturer, Coca-Cola, recently got the idea of promoting their product by getting people to “share” it with someone else. Sharing a drink, any drink, with someone infected with an illness is a really bad idea as you can get sick from this action. The sheer number of Worldwide Web […]
BREAKING: Actor John Candy to Portray Lonnie Childs in Upcoming Biopic
HOLLYWOOD, CALIF. — Actor John Candy has been tapped to portray Pastor Lonnie Childs in an upcoming biopic about the prolific anti-masturbation advocate, according to inside sources in Hollywood, California. The long-awaited motion picture, tentatively titled The Passion of the Childs, is expected to be a first for the faith-based […]
5 Greatest Non-Masturbators In History
WATERTOWN- CT (SMNNN) Throughout the ages, the scourge of self-rape sought to destroy all mankind held dear. Yet some great primitives in ancient times, avoided the plauge of masturbation, and rose above sullying themselves and instead stood tall, proud and self-shame free. Here is a list of the greatest […]
Marvel Announces First Gay Supervillain for Upcoming Spiderman Movie
Nerd fans of the beloved Spiderman movie franchise were treated to a surprise announcement at last week’s Comics-Con in San Diego. For the first time in Marvel history, the “KnobGobbler” will make a brief appearance and battle Peter Parker, better known as Spiderman. Marvel’s founder, Stanley Lee, said “The […]
Iggy Azalea Starts Masturbating Again, Slowly Turning Black
Iggy Azalea used to be a normal skinned female from the British State of Australia who people would certainly enjoy to see on websites similar to www.twinkmovies.xxx in a sexy situation, but then she started rapping and, even worse, masturbating. Now just a few months after her first music single […]
Do Hollywood Zombie Documentaries Provide a Key to Defeating Masturbation?
In my past life as a secular masturbator I was unhealthily infatuated with zombie documentaries. Since being saved by Lonnie Childs and the STOP Masturbation NOW ministries, however, I have come to the realization that zombies are possibly the most prolific self-rapists alive! Zombies, like your typical masturbator, are brain […]
BREAKING NEWS: BLUFF Discovers Cure for Ebola Virus
By TheRev Leroy Jenkins SAFFORD, AZ (BLUFF Press, LLC) BLUFF Sexologist and lead HomoGay™ Conversion Therapist Nikita Shalavin has stumbled upon a cure for the Bad Ebola Zaire Virus using FiathFact™ proven methods that also cure HomoGayness™, The Bad AIDS, and Mental Retards. Ebola virus disease (EVD) or Ebola hemorrhagic fever (EHF) is […]
2015 “El Niño” Prediction Revised; Reduction In Masturbation Rates Likely Source
The Bureau of Meteorology has revised their “El Niño” prediction for 2015 down to a 50 per cent chance yesterday. This comes after their earlier issued prediction of a 70 per cent or greater chance of “El Niño” impacting Americans next year. Faith Scientists have also been warning of extreme weather […]
Masturbation Facts that Will BLOW YOUR MIND!
Ocean Water and Semen Ocean water is salty. Semen is salty. You should never swallow ocean water while swimming. You should never masturbate, NOR should you swallow your own semen after masturbating. Lonnie Childs’ Law of Conservation of Mass states in faith : “Matter is neither created nor destroyed as […]
