Articles by: augustweisz

SMN Compound Canned Food Drive This Week

SMN Compound Canned Food Drive This Week

(StopMasturbationNOW)—The Safford Arizona SMN compound will be holding its annual canned food drive this week. It starts Monday April 6 and will wrap up Friday April 10. Canned food will be accepted in the school entrance lobby, the armory, and in the bin by the main gates. Last year over 1500Lbs of canned […]

by April 6, 2015 6 comments Compound News
New Mascot Unveiled to Help Teach Mexican Kids The Sins Of Masturbation

New Mascot Unveiled to Help Teach Mexican Kids The Sins Of Masturbation

(StopMasturbationNOW)—After the fantastic success of our Fappy the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin program we had a lot of requests for him to speak to many Mexican areas of our country and around the world, the problem is as everyone knows, dolphins don’t speak Mexican. So thanks to a $50,000 research study that […]

by March 31, 2015 8 comments Foreigners, Premier, Press Release
Are Masturbators Mentally Handicapped?

Are Masturbators Mentally Handicapped?

(StopMasturbationNOW)—It’s the age old question… what came first the chicken or the egg? Well it kind of depends who you talk to, if you are a faithful follower of the teachings of Lonnie then you are well aware that the chicken was created intact and whole. However if you are […]

by March 30, 2015 33 comments Faith Fact Series
Breaking News: Masturbation Causes NYC Building Collapse

Breaking News: Masturbation Causes NYC Building Collapse

(StopMasturbationNOW)— A residential apartment building collapsed and was engulfed in flames today in New York City’s East Village neighborhood. There was no immediate information on possible injuries, said a spokesman for the New York Police Department. Live footage on local television showed a residential apartment building engulfed in flames and […]

by March 26, 2015 10 comments Trending
How to Judge a Woman By Her Clothing

How to Judge a Woman By Her Clothing

(StopMasturbationNOW)—Women are the number one cause of masturbation, whether it be not keeping their husband satisfied or in how they dress, they are usually to blame. They say you cannot judge a book by its cover, but you sure can judge a woman by how she dresses. Here is a […]

by March 19, 2015 32 comments Faith Fact Series
How to Catch your Teenage Babysitter Masturbating

How to Catch your Teenage Babysitter Masturbating

(StopMasturbationNOW)—One of the major trials for parents is trusting your house and child to a young stranger.  Whether it be Bible study, PTA meetings, or an evening on the town, many parents need to hire a teenage female to be a substitute parent for an evening. Unfortunately that babysitter may […]

Sneak Peek: The Prophecy: A Revelation of Lonnie Childs

Sneak Peek: The Prophecy: A Revelation of Lonnie Childs

(StopMasturbationNow)— Next week the most important piece of literature ever published will be released. “The Prophecy: A Revelation of Lonnie Childs” will be published here free to all subscribers of this netsite. We bring you a sneak preview of a little bit of it. With the armies of darkness swarming […]

by March 2, 2015 3 comments Lonnie Childs
Masturbators Put Giant Penis on Hillside

Masturbators Put Giant Penis on Hillside

(StopMasturbationNOW)—I know they say hate the sin but not the sinner, well sometimes with masturbators that just cant apply. A giant sinstick has appeared on a mountainside in North Wales, in the UK. It is believed to currently be the largest depiction of a weiner in the world. The 100-foot massive […]

by February 26, 2015 4 comments Foreigners
Mystery Tunnel Proof Majority of Canadians Trying to Flee Into the USA

Mystery Tunnel Proof Majority of Canadians Trying to Flee Into the USA

(StopMasturbationNow)—Canadian SS squads recently uncovered a massive underground tunnel dug near the Pan American games site in the Canadian capital of Toronto. Initially Canadian authorities were baffled at the mysterious tunnel. The mysterious tunnel measured more than 6 feet in height, nearly 3 feet in width and about 33 feet […]

by February 25, 2015 7 comments Foreigners, Politics, World
Keith Olbermann Goes Into Masturbation Rage

Keith Olbermann Goes Into Masturbation Rage

(StopMasturbationNow)—ESPN television host and frequent job changer Keith Olbermann suffered a masturbation induced rage episode where he attacked Penn State University students who raised money to fight pediatric cancer. The shameful incident happened Sunday night on twitter of course. Masturbatory rage is an almost involuntary mental state where one’s lifetime […]

by February 24, 2015 4 comments Trending
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