Disciples

Win a Stop Masturbation Now AR-15 Rifle!

Win a Stop Masturbation Now AR-15 Rifle!

SAFFORD, ARIZ. — Did you know Stop Masturbation Now Ministries Inc. is GIVING AWAY a fully semi-automatic AR-15 assault rifle? Yes! For a limited time, you can enter the official SMN Rifle Raffle to win a brand new high-tech tactical Armalite AR assault gun!   This Colt AK-15 assault submachine rifle […]

Police are baffled as to the cause of the demise of the Lonnie Childs Private Library

BLUFF Librarian Publishes Book, Library Burns To The Ground

Stafford, AZ – The Lonnie Childs Private Library, operated and managed by Alicia Stephenhopper, has burned to the ground under suspicious circumstances. The state of the art facility, offering the latest dial-up internet access and dozens of books and publications to the members of the BLUFF compound, will be closed […]

by August 30, 2014 11 comments Disciples
Staunch Anti-Masturbation Ally Turns Normal

Staunch Anti-Masturbation Ally Turns Normal

It’s easy to get discouraged in the fight against masturbation.  Big Masturbation and its allies for years have been undermining the moral fabric of this country through the schools, Hollywood, the LIEberal media and sports.  Today marks a turning point in our struggle. International black baseballing super star Sammy Sosa […]

A Holy Wife is a Submissive Wife

A Holy Wife is a Submissive Wife

God Bless, TheRev Leroy Jenkins    

by August 7, 2014 20 comments Disciples
Brother Lonnie has been on the forefront of non-normal outreach.

Brother Lonnie’s Ethnic Community Outreach

There’s been a lot of hateful and just plain wrong comments directed at this holy netsite and Brother Lonnie in particular regarding baseless claims of racism. I am shocked, hurt, outraged, appalled and shocked by these unfounded and libelous claims. Brother Lonnie’s favorite secular show was “Good Times” so he’s […]

Karate for Perverts

Karate for Perverts

Masturbation is a same-sex sex-act that one performs on themselves. By doing so, you touch the sex organ of your own gender and become so aroused that you climax. This conditions the body and mind to become a gay. It’s like Karate for perverts. If you do identify as homosexual, […]

Compound children showing the ropes to the new arrivals

Brother Lonnie’s Skin Bleaching Program Proving a Huge Success

Rejoice brothers and sisters! A moment of righteous vindication is upon us. After weeks of false accusations and liberal media criticism, Brother Lonnie’s Bleach Away The Sin therapy for children of dangerous minorities is exceeding all expectations! Hours after an incentive program was introduced guaranteeing certain benefits for the parents of enrolled children, the […]

A Day of Excitement for Many, a Day of Sadness for the Unchosen

A Day of Excitement for Many, a Day of Sadness for the Unchosen

Safford, AZ – While many shouted victory in July as their children were picked early at the Choosing of the Flesh, others still mourn the loss of their loved ones to the Unchosen. The annual Day of Choosing at the Campound (see link for this year’s story) is an exciting event for […]

by July 30, 2014 9 comments Disciples
Lonnie’s Followers Use Weird Trick to Achieve FaithGasm

Lonnie’s Followers Use Weird Trick to Achieve FaithGasm

  SAFFORD, ARIZ. — Here at Stop Masturbation Now, we eschew the practice of ejaculatory orgasm as a wasteful and sinful release. Our mission is to educate you of its negative physical and spiritual consequences. Ever since Onan spilled his seed upon the ground, men have been shooting putty with […]

Puppy Molested-Former SMN Deacon undergoes psychiatric testing

Puppy Molested-Former SMN Deacon undergoes psychiatric testing

By TheRev Leroy Jenkins EDWARDSVILLE, Ill. (BLUFF PRESS) – A southwestern Illinois man found mentally fit to stand trial on charges that he molested a puppy is waiting for court officials to decide if he’s a sexually dangerous person. The National Report  reports former Stop Masturbation Now Inner Deacon & […]

by July 20, 2014 9 comments Disciples
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