“Our prayers will heal the damage to your soul from life of masturbation, but only time will heal your vagina.” – Brother Doug Pinnic The fact that masturbation gives you the Gay, is basic Faith Science. And if we learned anything from Tom Cruise’s movie “Philadelphia”, is that unlike famous basketball […]
The Oceans and Seas (SMNNN) Tea-drinking Englishes say in a recent report by the Queen (or whoever rules the islands of Englishes), that the global population of Blue Whales has rebounded over the last 20 years as Sperm Whale extermination continues. Whaling, long touted as barbarism, and a well-know source […]
I’m sure we’re all aware of how Great American patriots like Todd Akin consistently get shamed by the media for their unconventional views on self-rape. Considering we’re now six years into the nightmare that has been the Obama Administration, such things, while not accepted, are unfortunately expected. However, over the years […]
The Faith Facts are in. Masturbation epidemic is swiping the planet, and no one is safe. It doesn’t care if you’re foreign or normal, woman or man, black or rich. A one hit wonder Rock-n-Roll singer Freddie Mercury has learned this lesson firsthand. At the height of his musical career, Freddie […]
WATERTOWN- CT (SMNNN) Throughout the ages, the scourge of self-rape sought to destroy all mankind held dear. Yet some great primitives in ancient times, avoided the plauge of masturbation, and rose above sullying themselves and instead stood tall, proud and self-shame free. Here is a list of the greatest […]
THE ISLAND OF UNITED KINGDOMS- (SMNN) The world’s least funny man, noted filthy atheist Ricky Gervais admitted today, that he is also the world’s most prolific masturbator. Gervais admits to masturbating in excess of 300 times daily. Ricky Gervais, horrible non-humourous atheist, has long been known to be pure […]
In Brother Lonnie’s first and only round of golf, he has managed to shatter the 18 hole record of 34 set by North Korean dictator/professional athlete Kim Jong-Il back in 1994 which was also Kim’s one and only round of golf. Kim Jong-Il’s 38 under par round included […]
WATERTOWN CT (SMNNN) “ …every song the Grateful Dead wrote was about masturbation, Satan or fornication! Some lyrics: ” Born in the jungle, raised in the lions,den. Numba one occupation, stealin’ wimmens from dey mans.”- One of their songs TRANSLATION: I am a sub-human beastophile. My job […]
SAFFORD, ARIZ. — Masturbation is a sin that breaks God’s heart. Thus, the true soldiers of God have always been at war with The Masturbator. Professor Milton Grits explains how in the 20th Century the forces of good came together and struck down the enemy masturbator like a lightning bolt […]
Just this past month of May in this, our year of America 2014, Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts had it’s first annual Technology Month. It was a grand affair that culminated in showcasing some cutting edge technology in the fight against masturbation even if there are some fantastic porn […]
