Morals

5 Greatest Non-Masturbators In History

5 Greatest Non-Masturbators In History

  WATERTOWN- CT (SMNNN) Throughout the ages, the scourge of self-rape sought to destroy all mankind held dear. Yet some great primitives in ancient times, avoided the plauge of masturbation, and rose above sullying themselves and instead stood tall, proud and self-shame free. Here is a list of the greatest […]

by August 4, 2014 19 comments History, Lonnie Childs, Morals, Trending
Photo Courtesy of Marvel Studios

Marvel Announces First Gay Supervillain for Upcoming Spiderman Movie

  Nerd fans of the beloved Spiderman movie franchise were treated to a surprise announcement at last week’s Comics-Con in San Diego. For the first time in Marvel history, the “KnobGobbler” will make a brief appearance and battle Peter Parker, better known as Spiderman. Marvel’s founder, Stanley Lee, said “The […]

by August 3, 2014 23 comments Celebrity, Morals, Trending
Lonnie Childs Wins Land Dispute, Residents of Navajo Tribal Land under Forced Relocation

Lonnie Childs Wins Land Dispute, Residents of Navajo Tribal Land under Forced Relocation

Safford, AZ – In a shocking landmark resolution, The Supreme Court has ordered the removal of Navajo Indians from tribal land, granting the 50,000 acres of prime real estate to Lonnie Childs, a local squatter who first claimed rights to the property over 15 years ago. Lonnie Child’s lawyer, Saul […]

by August 1, 2014 10 comments Lonnie Childs, Morals, Politics
Brother Lonnie has been on the forefront of non-normal outreach.

Brother Lonnie’s Ethnic Community Outreach

There’s been a lot of hateful and just plain wrong comments directed at this holy netsite and Brother Lonnie in particular regarding baseless claims of racism. I am shocked, hurt, outraged, appalled and shocked by these unfounded and libelous claims. Brother Lonnie’s favorite secular show was “Good Times” so he’s […]

Karate for Perverts

Karate for Perverts

Masturbation is a same-sex sex-act that one performs on themselves. By doing so, you touch the sex organ of your own gender and become so aroused that you climax. This conditions the body and mind to become a gay. It’s like Karate for perverts. If you do identify as homosexual, […]

Top 5 Celebrities Who Have Died From Masturbation.

Top 5 Celebrities Who Have Died From Masturbation.

WATERTOWN CT- (SMNNN) Masturbation, or self-rape, as the sinful practice of self-sexual gratification is known, has long been a leading cause of death. Over the decades, Hollywood has had more than it’s fair share of auto-erotic-suicides. Here’s a list of the top five.   5)- Ernest Borgnine Mr Borgnine, star […]

Compound children showing the ropes to the new arrivals

Brother Lonnie’s Skin Bleaching Program Proving a Huge Success

Rejoice brothers and sisters! A moment of righteous vindication is upon us. After weeks of false accusations and liberal media criticism, Brother Lonnie’s Bleach Away The Sin therapy for children of dangerous minorities is exceeding all expectations! Hours after an incentive program was introduced guaranteeing certain benefits for the parents of enrolled children, the […]

Dear Lonnie – “How Do I Know If My Toddler is Gay?”

Dear Lonnie – “How Do I Know If My Toddler is Gay?”

Every once in a while, a wholesome reader will send a message to us here at SMN.ORG to ask a personal question, or to ask for honest advice in a particularly troubling situation. In this case, a housewife from Virginia writes – “Dear Lonnie, I am a little embarrassed to […]

by July 31, 2014 20 comments Morals
Seriously? Really Big Masturbation?

Childs Youth to Protest C.L.I.T.T

TUCSON ARIZONA (SMNNN) Big Masturbation’s latest venture, the Community-Linked Integrated Transit System of Tucson (C.L.I.T.T), is set to be protested by Child’s Youth, the under-aged group of religious activists who are so named for Lonald “Lonnie” Childs. The C.L.I.T.T, which is being misrepresented as a transportation system, is actually a […]

by July 31, 2014 2 comments Lonnie Childs, Morals, Politics, Self-Rape Prevention
Brother Lonnie has SPOKEN! Praise!

Scooters Deemed Most Holy and Non-Masturbatory Form of Motorcycle.

SAFFORD- ARIZONA (SMNNN) In a revelation, His Resplendence  Saint Lonnie Childs has decreed motor scooters to be the most  Holy of all motorcycles. Brother Lonnie stated that he was visited by a beautiful seraphim, which along with granting Brother Lonnie The Secret of  The Universe, also decreed scooters to be […]

by July 31, 2014 5 comments Lonnie Childs, Morals, Self-Rape Prevention
Help Stop Masturbation Now!
Get the latest content first.
We respect your privacy.