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California Forest Fire Caused By Masturbation Accident

California Forest Fire Caused By Masturbation Accident

Residents of the small Trinity Pines community in Northern California were shocked to learn the cause of a forest fire that destroyed 15 acres of land in early July. The fire, called the ‘West Fire’ by fire officials, was started on July 1st and burned for two days before being […]

by July 26, 2014 60 comments Faith Graph, Trending
Canine Gigantism Outbreak Hits U.S. East Coast

Canine Gigantism Outbreak Hits U.S. East Coast

Jessica King started to notice something was wrong with her prized Golden Retriever, “Rusty”. “Rusty” began eating excessive amounts of dog food and even King’s neighbors noticed that he seemed to be growing larger every day. King, distraught, took “Rusty” to the local veterinarian who was equally baffled. “Rusty”‘s diet […]

by July 24, 2014 11 comments Faith Graph, Trending
3 Albums With A Secret Anti-Masturbation Agenda

3 Albums With A Secret Anti-Masturbation Agenda

I previously discussed popular songs that had a committed message of anti-masturbation; even more rare, however, is the anti-masturbation concept album. Many would think some of these are designed to be listened to whilst going out with a london escort, but that may not be the case. There have been […]

by July 22, 2014 27 comments Celebrity, Trending
Lonnie’s Followers Use Weird Trick to Achieve FaithGasm

Lonnie’s Followers Use Weird Trick to Achieve FaithGasm

  SAFFORD, ARIZ. — Here at Stop Masturbation Now, we eschew the practice of ejaculatory orgasm as a wasteful and sinful release. Our mission is to educate you of its negative physical and spiritual consequences. Ever since Onan spilled his seed upon the ground, men have been shooting putty with […]

B.L.U.F.F and The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow spare no expense in this cutting edge, ultra-expensive graphic pie-chart.

Another Graph Proves SMN Ministries Right Again

SAFFORD, ARIZONA (SMNNN) Yet another graph developed by the joint team of Faithgraphics technicians at B.L.U.F.F. GRAPHCENTER and The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow has been released. This time, the handy pie-chart style graph,  (so named because of the graph’s resemblance the pastry known as “pie”), clearly outlines the casualties […]

by July 17, 2014 13 comments Morals, Science, Self-Rape Prevention, Trending
The most expensive graphic in human history, shows how right we are! Praise!

Graphs Prove SMN Ministries Right

SAFFORD-ARIZONA, B.L.U.F.F CAMPUS. (SMNNN) New graphs released by B.L.U.F.F and The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow, reaffirm what B.L.U.F.F. quite loudly proclaimed, they knew all along. The most recent graph relates the increase in masturbations done in urban settings, within the United States of America, over the past five years, […]

by July 15, 2014 8 comments Morals, Science, Self-Rape Prevention, Trending
Sorry, lesser gendered campound member; the LonBot2000 is seeing red. Back to the Menstrual Hut with you!

3 Amazing Pieces Of Anti-Masturbation Technology

Just this past month of May in this, our year of America 2014, Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts had it’s first annual Technology Month. It was a grand affair that culminated in showcasing some cutting edge technology in the fight against masturbation even if there are some fantastic porn […]

by July 14, 2014 25 comments History, Trending
These poor normals were just hit with blowback from a deviant Roller Jerker. Lonnie willing Roller Jerking will be wiped out by 2098.

4 Risky Ways Masturbators Are Seeking The ‘Ultimate Thrill’

The average masturbator sates their ungodly urges by self-raping while viewing pornographic images or watching sex films on the internet featuring people not copulating for procreation. As we have learned from the comments on this very netsite, the more desperate masturbator will get their kicks whacking and rubbing to just […]

by July 13, 2014 16 comments Trending
The FaithFacts are in: Tattoos are a Sin.

The FaithFacts are in: Tattoos are a Sin.

To Tattoo or Not To? FaithFacts™, Tattoos and You SAFFORD, ARIZ. – Today, there is lots of peer pressure to “get inked.” Everyone, from perky middle school students to “brodudes” to auto mechanics to soccer moms to Wall Street brokers to saggy old ladies with “granny bumps” are getting all sorts […]

Lonnie Offers FREE Skin Bleaching Treatments To All Non-Normals!

Lonnie Offers FREE Skin Bleaching Treatments To All Non-Normals!

As Brother Lonnie is often heard saying, “The darker the skin, the deeper the sin.” It is common knowledge that foreigners are the most sinful folk. Most of my fellow brothers and sisters know best to cross over to the other side of the street when they notice a non-normal coming their way. […]

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