(StopMasturbationNOW)—President Trump is headed to a easy victory this coming November, however he has one last task to make sure that victory is absolute and turned into a mandate from the people. That one thing to do is to pick a running mate. A running mate is probably one of […]
Earlier this week, the unthinkable happened. James Wright, a member of SMN Ministries for two months, came out as a gay man. Unlike most gay people who flamboyantly sing about being gay, Mr. Wright did not admit that he was gay. SMN Deacon Jacob Franklin, and his keen eye for […]
Earlier this week, French-owned retailer “Target (pronounced, tar-jay)” announced that it will allow transgender people to use and masturbate in whatever restroom they choose to. This new corporate policy comes amid new laws in North Carolina, Mississippi and Tennessee which restrict access to public restrooms based upon gender. A spokesman […]
Ever since SMN Ministries founder and overall spiritual leader Lonnie Childs declared his endorsement for GOP frontrunner Donald Trump, Texas senator Ted Cruz has been lobbying the Anti-Masturbation community for their support, directly. Senator Cruz has repeatedly brought-up his 2004 efforts as Solicitor General of Texas to ban the sale […]
San Francisco, CA – STOP Masturbation NOW faith scientists, in conjunction with your tax dollars, have spent the last three years attempting to pinpoint exactly when and where masturbation was first invented. We are happy to report that the $645,000 federally-funded project has conclusively determined that masturbation was invented in […]
We all know there is no better way to warn people about an eternity in hell then when death is staring them in the face. There is nowhere where this opportunity presents itself better than at a funeral. At these events you will find: the corpse of a dead person, […]
This Easter as you enjoy quality time with your same-race family, it is important that you remember the reason for the season. Reflect upon the sacrifice that Jesus made for us all by allowing Himself to die a painful, humiliating death nailed to the first Anti-Masturbation Cross® in order to forgive […]
SMN Safford, AZ-The tireless duty of Christian Parents to prevent and punish the vile sin of masturbation has become much harder (pardon the pun) since the opening of the box office smash, Deadpool in local theaters. A disturbing parental alert has been issued by the Faith Advisory Parental Media Information […]
“Michael J.” was once a ferocious self-rapist as evidenced in his “before” photo. Note the vacant eyes, the grotesquely bulbous nose, the self-righteous smirk and the anti-establishment afro hairstyle. Michael was just another hell-bound masturbator, destined to spend eternity as Satan’s personal sock puppet. Look at him NOW! After meeting […]
One of the biggest questions that we get here at STOP Masturbation NOW is, “How can I urinate without becoming a sinner?” Rest assured, good man! There are a number of ways to urinate and still be in good-shape come time for the Rapture. Before we get into the actual […]
