(StopMasturbationNOW)—When you say Australia, most of the world thinks about prison colonies, Crocodile Dundee, Olympic cheaters, terrible music, and kangaroos. But the reality is much much darker than that. Australia was founded as the prison for the western world, sexual deviants, masturbators, homosexuals, rapists, and murders were put here as […]
(StopMasturbationNOW)— Archeologists from the Wyoming institute of Technology discovered evidence of an ancient society that was obviously ant-masturbation. Digging in the foothills of the Crimea, a team of 12 men found a metal glove designed to prevent masturbation. “I think they have found evidence of what may be the first […]
(StopMasturbationNOW)— The great Blizzard of 2016 is rolling up the east coast and with it people are staying home to avoid the snow and bad roads. Unfortunately a consequence of this is people have much more free time and isolation which is a recipe for masturbation disaster. In Baltimore alone […]
(StopMasturbationNOW)-Last week was a feel good moment for us here at StopMasturbationNOW. We had just launched our first satellite the Childs1 into space. Unfortunately, less than one week into service hackers have taken over the satellite and are now using it to distribute interracial gay porn from websites such as […]
One’s own hand may, sadly to some, become known as a lonely man’s only friend, but one Australian has taken his self love to an entirely new level by marrying his cherished appendage. According to the Down Under Times, Joe Grosser wed his hand, which he named, “Honey,” under a […]
The rise of feminism in the US has encouraged many women to become single-parents. In these families, the only contribution the father makes is in the form of child-support payments. While only 20% of the child-support payment goes towards the child itself, the mother hits a “Pay Day” with the […]
(StopMasturbationNOW)— Stop Masturbation NOW, a division of SMN Heavy Industries and Chemical, today proudly launched their first satellite into orbit. Named Childs1, the geostationary satellite is capable of broadcasting anti masturbation related materials as well as do experiments. “Childs1 hopes to be the first of many devices planned for this […]
ENGLAND, PROBABLY, MAYBE SCOTLAND (SMNNN) Horrible androgen Martian-spider/human hybrid Sex-goblin rockpop icon, and profuse masturbator David Bowie succumbed to various masturbation related cancers today, he was 69 years old. Bowie, long an androgynous mess of a waste of sinning oxygen, had a long and storied career beginning in 1978 when […]
SAFFORD AZ (SMNNN) A chilling result of a study, released by Brother Lonnie’s University of Faithfacts, and The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow, entitled: “Masturbation Residue And It’s Effects On The Global Climate “ outlines the direct impact of the masturbator and it’s filth, on the peaceful, God-fearing innocent peoples […]
It seems like every generation is more confused than the generation before it. In the 50’s it was “cool” to wear poodle skirts and comb your hair. In the 60’s, it was “hip” to dress like a homeless person and avoid soapy water while the sexual revolution introduced masturbation into […]
