Faces of Masturbation

Is Your Wife, Daughter, or Gay Son Masturbating With Household Items?

Is Your Wife, Daughter, or Gay Son Masturbating With Household Items?

(StopMasturbationNOW)—Masturbation in a home can be a most dangerous thing. Besides the obvious physical dangers you are also inviting Satan to live with you. Well fathers, you need to be on the lookout, wives daughters and the gays are self-raping with household items. As items such as hair curlers, baby […]

Imagine a world without self-rape.

MASTURBATOR REFORMED

ISLAND MEXICO (SMNNN) Often, we here at Stop Masturbation Now Ministries are asked just how successful are we at converting heathen, self-rapist, foreigners into useful, upstanding, God-fearing, productive members of society. Today, we lambast the nay-sayers, and sinning unbelievers, who mock us so readily, and often, with the masturbatory drivel, […]

Was the A-team Gay?

Was the A-team Gay?

(StopMasturbationNOW)—The 80’s seemed like the perfect decade, Ronald Regan was president, the stock market hit new records every day, kids were saying no to drugs, and family values ruled the home. However lurking in the shadows was a dark underbelly of homosexuality which was to undermine the decades to come. […]

New Downs Discovered, Masturbation To Blame

New Downs Discovered, Masturbation To Blame

U.K. B.L.U.F.F BIOSCIENCE CAMPOUND (SMNN) A shocking statistic released by the U.K.B.L.U.F.F.B.C revealed the results of the extensive several pages of data collected by myself, and various other SMN Deacons and Elders, such as Cassidy Penn, show a direct link between Juggalo Gay Bowel Disease and chromosomal damage, resulting in […]

by January 30, 2015 7 comments Faces of Masturbation, Lifestyle, Science
Masturbator Marries Herself

Masturbator Marries Herself

Houston TX (SMNN) A great offense against Our Lords took place in Houston, Texas, when a non-Normal-lesser-gendered married her own self, most likely, having caused the baby Jesus to weep on the cross out of rage and shame. Non-Normal-Lesser-Gendered Yasmin Eleby, proudly married herself, in a direct affront to decency […]

Interview With a Masturbator: James the Juggalo

Interview With a Masturbator: James the Juggalo

Detroit, MI – My dear friends in Christ through the Lonaldian Way, in this edition of IWAM, I sat down (without shaking hands) with James Pearson, a 19 year old Juggalo, who naturally lives in the basement of his parent’s home in an undisclosed suburb of Detroit. Although of normal […]

by January 29, 2015 9 comments Faces of Masturbation
Masturbation:  This can happen to you!

Masturbation: This can happen to you!

Sickening, isn’t it?  Meet Chad Hollingsworth.  Before his life reached this miserable state of outright depravity, Chad was a busy yet successful tax attorney with a beautiful same-race wife, three God-fearing Normal children, and a Golden Retriever named Barkley.  Feeling a little tense while browsing online one day, Chad came […]

In-Depth Interview with Big Masturbation

In-Depth Interview with Big Masturbation

SECRET LOCATION- SOMEWHERE (SMNNN) We at Stop Masturbation Now are pleased to present this interview with an actual high-ranking official of Big Masturbation. Our own Professor Doctor Wizard Cardinal Thomas Kelly interviewed this “person” about the goals of the B.M movement. Thomas Kelly: Hello, welcome. Would you care to explain […]

Shia Labeouf Self-Raped at Art Exhibit

Shia Labeouf Self-Raped at Art Exhibit

Los Angelos, CA- (SMNN) Actor Shia Labeouf, known for movies such as Even Stevens and Transformings 4: Rise of The Batman, told pretty much anyone who would listen, that he was a victim of self-rape at an art exhibition. During the exhibition, Labeouf wore a paper bag on his head […]

Amanda Bynes in 2006, before masturbation nearly destroyed her life.

Profile Of A Famous Masturbator: Amanda Bynes

The allure of Hollywood draws in the unholy from all walks of life. Brother Lonnie has made it clear in the past that no one is safe from the dangers of masturbation; including and especially the rich and famous. In many of these cases, the actor / singer / songwriter […]

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