Sadly this tragedy plays out every day.

FaithScientists Discover Masturbation KILLS – FaithFact #532

Stop Masturbation Now Ministries led by our spiritual leader Brother Lonald “Lonnie” Childs has been at the forefront of masturbation FaithScience and has made numerous advancements and FaithDiscoveries regarding our knowledge of self-rape. For instance it was our own FaithScientists along with Brother Lonnie’s fervent prayers that discovered that masturbation […]

The Hell-Pools are clear evidence his place means business!

Masturbation Causes Increase in Yellowstone Caldera Volcanic Activity

YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK/ PORTAL TO HELL (SMNNN) The Yellowstone super volcano is due for the largest eruption ever seen in the 8,000 year history of the Earth, and masturbation is definitely the causes, say leading Faithvolcanologists. Masturbation, long conclusively proven to be causing Global Warmings, is now known to be […]

by July 30, 2014 20 comments Death, Science, Weather
Thinking of self-raping in the bay? Think again, shark-food!

Sharp Rise in Deaths As Sharks Attack and Eat Masturbators

EAST COAST- U.S.A (SMNNN) An unprecedented increase in various species of sharks attacking and eating people, is most likely caused by masturbation, Faithscientists say. This year, dozens of people on the East Coast have been attacked and/or eaten by sharks, and until recently, nobody had even the slightest clue why. […]

by July 28, 2014 33 comments Death, Science, Self-Rape Prevention, Weather
World’s Oldest Man Dies After Masturbating For First Time

World’s Oldest Man Dies After Masturbating For First Time

Morris Browder had seen a lot in his 115 years on God’s Earth. He lived through the first World War. He lived through the liberal created Great Depression. He lived through the non-normals attacking Hawaii in the 1940s. He even lived through the wars of non-normal aggression in Korea, Vietnam, […]

by July 25, 2014 71 comments Death, Faith Graph, Science
The Chelyabinsk meteor injured many people.

Girl Killed by Meteor Strike While Masturbating

Chelyabinsk, Russian Communist C.C.C.P (SMNN) Thanks to a huge out-pouring of public information, B.L.U.F.F and The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow’s informational staff have found evidence that a 16-year-old female was killed by a meteorite impact, while masturbating outside, during the Chelyabinsk Meteor Incident in February of 2013. Magda Leshniac […]

by July 25, 2014 42 comments Death, Foreigners, Science, Spot a Masturbator, Weather, World
Whoa! Would you get a load of that sinkhole?

Siberian Village Lost Due To Asian Masturbation’s Impact On Global Environment

SIBERIA- COMMUNIST U.S.S.R C.C.C.P (SMNNN) An entire village in Siberia has been swallowed into a huge crater, and masturbation is definitely the cause, leading Faithscientists say. Leading Faithclimatetologist, Dr Skippy Enis, recently involved in an atomic meltdown explosion at B.L.U.F.F Graphcenter , and fresh from life saving surgery, explains the […]

Explosion at B.L.U.F.F. Graphcenter Kills Two

Explosion at B.L.U.F.F. Graphcenter Kills Two

  SAFFORD, ARIZONA. B.L.U.F.F GRAPHCENTER (SMNNN) A terrible explosion ripped it’s way across the B.L.U.F.F Graphcenter at 2:32 a.m. on July 20th, 2014, killing two interns and wounding dozens. The B.L.U.F.F Graphcenter, state of the art graph production center, is the most expensive graph production facility in the world. Officials […]

Lonnie’s Followers Use Weird Trick to Achieve FaithGasm

Lonnie’s Followers Use Weird Trick to Achieve FaithGasm

  SAFFORD, ARIZ. — Here at Stop Masturbation Now, we eschew the practice of ejaculatory orgasm as a wasteful and sinful release. Our mission is to educate you of its negative physical and spiritual consequences. Ever since Onan spilled his seed upon the ground, men have been shooting putty with […]

The Environmental Impact of Masturbation

The Environmental Impact of Masturbation

  It’s common knowledge that masturbation turns ordinary people into criminals and perfectly healthy people into Stephen Hawking. But what about our planet? Is the Earth feeling the sting of masturbation?   Your average masturbator burns between 50 to 150 calories with every masturbation session, depending on factors such as: […]

by July 18, 2014 121 comments Morals, Science, Weather, World
The Top 5 Things You Need To Tell Your Child About Masturbation

The Top 5 Things You Need To Tell Your Child About Masturbation

-Safford, AZ Masturbation is a terrible disease and a depraved, sinful act. The below are critical “tips” for parents of any age. As we know, children may begin to explore their sin zones and masturbating at any age- watch them. Watch them closely. You never know when Satan enters your […]

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