The cure for masturbation?

Report: Ice Bucket Challenge has Dropped Masturbation Rates by 30%

  The viral fundraising phenomena known as the “Ice Bucket Challenge,” is raising money for A.L.S. research and also lowering the rates that masturbators self-rape by 30%, according to a newly released study by The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow. For those of you unfamiliar with the Ice Bucket Challenge, […]

by August 21, 2014 8 comments Science, Trending
Bionic “Glov” Masturbator in Development

Bionic “Glov” Masturbator in Development

SMN Labs-The newest threat from Big Masturbation is soon to become retail. A group of non-normal perverts in Tampa, FL have started “Glovin Life” to promote the sin delights females can acheive with a device named simply, ‘The Glov.” Ladies with carpel tunnel pain can now experience dip-diddlings and pounding […]

by August 12, 2014 12 comments Science
“Supermoon” Caused By Masturbation?

“Supermoon” Caused By Masturbation?

Faith scientists have been working around the clock to get the word out that the recent “supermoon” is actually an anomaly to be feared. While mainstream sciLIEnce likes to describe the alleged “supermoon” as relatively harmless and “just” the closest the moon comes to Earth during its alleged orbit around Earth, […]

by August 11, 2014 13 comments Science, Trending
How to Take a Proper Shower

How to Take a Proper Shower

We’ve all heard the old saying, “Cleanliness is next to Lonnieliness.”. I am going to walk you through the simple steps that I take to properly wash my female form in the shower. It’s so simple that even the most dullest of sexes can comprehend (that means “understand”)! First, I like […]

The most well-known thing in Turkmenistan.

Masturbation-Feuled Flaming Gas Crater Intensifies

Turkmenistan- (SMNNN) In the backward and primitive sand covered land of Turkmenistan, the Portal To Hell, a large super-natural fire filled hole in the ground, powered by the Earth’s release of natural gas, and God’s rage, has increased by 27% in intensity since last year. Faithscientists place the blame squarely […]

by August 6, 2014 30 comments Foreigners, Morals, Science, Weather
2015 “El Niño” Prediction Revised; Reduction In Masturbation Rates Likely Source

2015 “El Niño” Prediction Revised; Reduction In Masturbation Rates Likely Source

The Bureau of Meteorology has revised their “El Niño” prediction for 2015 down to a 50 per cent chance yesterday. This comes after their earlier issued prediction of a 70 per cent or greater chance of “El Niño” impacting Americans next year. Faith Scientists have also been warning of extreme weather […]

by August 2, 2014 5 comments Science, Weather
Masturbation Facts That Will Blow Your Mind., By Christina McIerncock Rubright

Masturbation Facts that Will BLOW YOUR MIND!

Ocean Water and Semen Ocean water is salty. Semen is salty. You should never swallow ocean water while swimming. You should never masturbate, NOR should you swallow your own semen after masturbating. Lonnie Childs’ Law of Conservation of Mass states in faith : “Matter is neither created nor destroyed as […]

Karate for Perverts

Karate for Perverts

Masturbation is a same-sex sex-act that one performs on themselves. By doing so, you touch the sex organ of your own gender and become so aroused that you climax. This conditions the body and mind to become a gay. It’s like Karate for perverts. If you do identify as homosexual, […]

Compound children showing the ropes to the new arrivals

Brother Lonnie’s Skin Bleaching Program Proving a Huge Success

Rejoice brothers and sisters! A moment of righteous vindication is upon us. After weeks of false accusations and liberal media criticism, Brother Lonnie’s Bleach Away The Sin therapy for children of dangerous minorities is exceeding all expectations! Hours after an incentive program was introduced guaranteeing certain benefits for the parents of enrolled children, the […]

Obama Brings Ebola into US: Tries to Make America like his Homeland

Obama Brings Ebola into US: Tries to Make America like his Homeland

(StopMasturbationNOW)— No cure, 80% mortality rate, very contagious, a painful death. We are talking about Ebola, possibly the most dangerous disease known to man. Obama is having two infected Doctors brought to the US. Why would someone bring a highly infectious disease to the United States on purpose? There is […]

by July 31, 2014 10 comments Science
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