Superbowl winning superstar quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles, Tim Tebow has been convicted of first degree murder and sentence to life without parole. Brother Lonnie has called for the public to withhold judgment until all the facts are known. In his statement Brother Lonnie cautioned against judging God’s favorite white […]
(StopMasturbationNOW)—Lately there have been a lot of camparisons drawn between Ronda Rousey and Mike Tyson. Ronda Rousey is the current UFC Women’s Bantamweight Champion where she is an undefeated 11-o. She wins most of her wins by submission and most fights have been finished within minutes. Mike Tyson had a […]
<STOP MASTURBATION NOW!> Born December 18, 1886 in Rural Georgia only one generation after the war between the states, Tyrus Raymond “Ty” Cobb became one of baseball’s greatest players and a pioneer in the struggle against masturbation. Cobb is credited with setting over 90 baseball records with a hard nosed […]
(StopMasturbationNOW)–Our leader Lonnie Childs has so far perfectly predicted the NCAA basketball tournament. What make his picks unique is that he made his predictions before the NCAA selection committee even announced the brackets and seeding. When asked what his secret was Dr Lonnie Childs responded that he uses a formula […]
(StopMasturbationNOW)—On Monday the greatest player in the history of football took the field once again. Tim Tebow worked out for the Philadelphia Eagles to showcase his abilities. The last team to workout Tebow, the Patriots, won the Super Bowl just last month. Tebow, who entered the NFL after a memorable […]
(StopMasturbationNOW)—Mormons sure are a conundrum, we need their votes to help keep liberals in check, but their polygamy ways and weird beliefs conflict with the teachings of Lonnie. Probably the most famous Mormon of late is Mitt Romney, 2012 republican presidential nominee and former governor of Massachusetts. Well now Mitt […]
World Wrestling Entertainment sunk to a new low this weekend when they released a three-minute, forty seconds long video titled “Royal Rumble Match: WWE Royal Rumble 2014”. While on the surface it may appear that this is just the sports entertainment contest named in the title, unfortunately, it is nothing […]
(StopMasturbationNow)—Leader Lonnie Childs last night bowled a record 303 game of bowling. The previous record was 300 and was shared by many individuals. The miracle happened in the 5th frame when a mysterious 11th pin appeared. Lonnie attributed his record to the preservation of bodily fluids through the abstinence […]
According to Brother Lonald “Lonnie” Childs, honorary Normal skinned golfing sensation Tiger Woods is once again black thanks to the recent scandal regarding his rampant masturbation and sleeping with over a dozen chubby white women with self esteem issues. Tiger was made an honorary Normal due to his mastery of […]
(StopMasturbationNow)—This Sunday is Super Bowl XLIX (49 for the uneducated). This year’s game pits Tom Brady and the New England Patriots against the defending Champion Seattle Mariners. The game will be broadcast live from University of Phoenix stadium in Phoenix AZ at 4:30 Mountain Standard Time. America loves football, and […]
