(StopMasturbationNow)—World-famous meme template and sometimes Olympic gymnast, McKayla Maroney, is not impressed. Not impressed at all. Pictures of McKayla were included among those leaked in 2014’s The Fappening. Like all good Christian soldiers, she initially denied that the photos were of her (1 Thessalonians 5:22, King Lonald Version). McKayla clarified her […]
STOP Masturbation NOW co-founder and high elder, Senator August Weisz, will be On the Air with Mike Allen on Armed Radio TONIGHT live at 8 PM Pacific. The good Senator will be addressing the STOP Masturbation NOW anti-fap movement about 20 mins into the broadcast. If you would like to […]
Unprotected masturbation is the leading cause of STDs, and here is why: Take the number of men and women that engage in unprotected masturbation and multiply that by the number of: door knobs, toilet flushing handles, crosswalk signal buttons, drinking fountains, handshakes, etc. What you end up with is […]
PACIFIC GROVE,CALIF. — This week, forensic investigators announced that 53-year old singer-songwriter John Denver lost control of his light aircraft while masturbating, causing the plane to crash into Monterey Bay, Calif. 17 years ago. The case, which had been closed several years ago following an inconclusive investigation of Denver’s airplane […]
Would be something a masturbator would search for. Parents check your kids internet history at all times. For more information in preventing masturbation: www.stopmasturbationnow.org Stop Masturbation Now is partially funded by federal tax dollars!
Focus not on temptation flesh sins as the devil wills for you, For he cares only for the ruin of your soul. Saturated with the tears from Jesus and angels, Empty burning hell’s torment is your eternal toll. Focus instead on the graces gained from flaccidity, For your reward in […]
Seeking cheap internet fame, Hollywood harlot Jennifer Lawrence released several naked and nude photographs of herself and other celebrities in order to boost her fame and get online losers to masturbate themselves into a tizzy. She is still claiming that she has been hacked, though. She has said having her […]
Many of the masturhaters who troll this holy netsite have convinced themselves that masturbation is “hip” and “cool”. Tell me, is burning in Hell for eternity “hip” and “cool”? The faithfact is that masturbation is a form of self-rape. Not so “cool” now, is it? STOP Masturbation NOW and become […]
Stafford, AZ – The Lonnie Childs Private Library, operated and managed by Alicia Stephenhopper, has burned to the ground under suspicious circumstances. The state of the art facility, offering the latest dial-up internet access and dozens of books and publications to the members of the BLUFF compound, will be closed […]
After months of lobbying, we here at STOP Masturbation NOW are proud to announce a major victory over the powerful forces of Big Masturbation and enemies of God-given morals everywhere! Praise! The good folks at Merriam-Webster have added the word “Fapstinence” to their dictionary, acknowledging all of the hard work […]
