BOCA RATON, FLA. — As everyone knows, masturbators are almost always depressed, socially retarded shut-ins. Their world consists of fixating on distasteful online pornographies flooding the Internet and beating their own privates to a pulp. Since their lives revolve around the one sinful act of Onanism, other aspects such as faith, family, […]
Danvers ME-(SMNNN) Elementary school students of Danvers, Maine have tested at an all-time low, and masturbation is to blame, say new studies done by B.L.U.F.F. Aqua-management Surveying Division. Masturbation Film Residue Particles, or MFRPs, as they are more popularly known, from Snow Mexican seminal fluids , are believed to have […]
StopMasturbationNOW)—The Washington State Cougars headed into this season with dreams of getting to a bowl game and winning. Last year the cougars went to the New Mexico bowl and blew a large lead to lose to the Colorado State Rams 48-45. This year expectations were high under high priced coach […]
In the race to end masturbation, medical interventions are nothing new, but then again neither are male enhancement drugs such as this https://www.vigrx.com/products/vigrx-organic-bio-maca/ and many others. Since the late 1930s, electroconvulsive therapy has been a mainstay of practitioners who love righteousness and hate sin (Shalavin, 2013). But homogays and masturbators […]
SPACE- (SMNN) Noted liar, Black sLIEnce Man, Neil Degrasse Tyson, and his on-again off-again homogay boyfriend Michio Kaku are claiming that Non-Normal Holes are infesting space, and are present all over the Universe. Both charlatans claim that these Non-Normal Holes were formed, get this, BILLIONS of years ago and are […]
News of today’s Apple iPhone event has brought the continued speculation that the Cupertino based electronics giant also plans to unveil a “wearable” device. Apple fanatics have dubbed the proposed wearable the “iWatch” but so far Apple itself has not confirmed such a device will be unveiled at their “9-9-2014” […]
“Our prayers will heal the damage to your soul from life of masturbation, but only time will heal your vagina.” – Brother Doug Pinnic The fact that masturbation gives you the Gay, is basic Faith Science. And if we learned anything from Tom Cruise’s movie “Philadelphia”, is that unlike famous basketball […]
In yet another incident of “roller jerking“, the Colossus roller coaster at Six Flags Magic Mountain park in Valencia, California received major fire and structural damage on Monday. Although the park was closed at the time, speculation is that an extreme tier masturbator snuck into the park and walked up to […]
(StopMasturbationNow)—Atlanta Hawks Owner Bruce Levenson announced this past weekend that he has put the team up for sale. This will be the third NBA team to be sold in 2014. Bruce Levinson is a fairly young man and has no need for money, why would he want to sell the […]
(StopMasturbationNOW)—Foreigners suck, they really do. They only hate us and with to crash flying things into us. The Chinese did it at Pearl Harbor, the Arabs did it to us in 9/11, and now the Europeans are turning dead cats into killer suicide bombers. Most people would feel incredibly sad […]
