In older, more savage days, women often used masturbation as a way to keep their hands looking good. These women of yesteryear would insert their hands into their sin-zone as a way to moisturize their hands after washing dishes. After all, nobody wanted “Dish Pan Hands” in those days. […]
Safford, Arizona: Local philanthropist and leader of SMN Ministries, Lonnie Childs, has finished construction of The Tempura Center for Women. SMN spokesman, August Weitz, spoke on behalf of Lonnie Childs when addressing the press today. “All too often, Masturbation takes the form of Rage and Violence, known to all of […]
Brother Lonald explains to his followers, The need for Christianity to be at the forefront of preventing self-rape and other flesh sins is apparent. The devil seeks to destroy your soul by breaking down your human structure. Satan knows that a human being built with Jesus as the foundation is […]
Earlier this month, our sister-news site “Vice News,” broke a story about rapper “Coolio” attempting to film a music video about Masturbation, for PornHub Records. The Normal people who lived in the neighborhood where the production was taking place called the police to report masturbation-type activities. Mr. Coolio and his […]
Mayor of Toronto, Mike Tyson (pictured above), flew into a profanity-laced tirade after a fellow non-normal news reporter shamefully drudged up a two-decade-old self-rape conviction. On live television, Tyson called news anchor Nathan “Debbie” Downer the f-word, the s-word, and a rat. Such language has never before been heard uncensored on […]
“We will see a new species of human, or sub-human rather, by 2050 if things progress at current rates.” That’s a pretty shocking claim from Faith Scientist Dr. Ian Norton, but Dr. Norton backs up this claim with decades of evidence he and other faith researchers have compiled to prove […]
NEWBERRY PALMS, CA – Earlier today, 15 year old Cindy Saccapelli committed the sin of masturbation at her Catholic place of learning. When first responding school officials questioned her, she claimed the stains on her cheerleader uniform were caused by solar flares. The cheerleaders of Our Lady of the Blessed […]
The Ocean-(SMNN) We here at Stop Masturbation Now are, as always, on top of all environmental damages caused by masturbation’s deadly residue, masturbation residue film particles. MFRPs have been proven to cause all manner of terrible holes in the ground, but now, they have taken to causing holes all up […]
Today, we mark the 13th anniversary of the September 11, 2001 attacks which brought this nation to its knees (homogays were already there, of course). Like the Kennedy Assassination, we all remember where we were the moment we heard the news. Most of us were in the middle of […]
There have been many outrageous changes in the roles of the sexes over the past 60 years. Militant feminism, internet pornographics and dangerous minorities have forever corrupted the core family values of our great nation. As a result, the expectation of men and the standard we are held to has morphed a […]
