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Scotland Fails in its Bid for independence: A Victory for the Morally Just

Scotland Fails in its Bid for independence: A Victory for the Morally Just

(StopMasturbationNOW)—According to our Leader Lonnie Childs, the referendum on Scottish Independence has failed. Stop Masturbation Now is the first organization to release the referendum results. The referendum failed by a larger margin than polls indicated. This is mostly due to the fact that younger voters seemed to dominate the polls […]

by September 18, 2014 14 comments Foreigners, Lonnie Childs
Christians Forsaking God To Make Room For iOS 8

Christians Forsaking God To Make Room For iOS 8

Apple’s roll out of their new mobile operating system, iOS 8, has already met iPhone users with a host of new problems to contend with. Early reports are showing potential problems with iTunes replacing music files but that is a problem for users that can even download the update to their […]

by September 18, 2014 8 comments Family Values, Morals, Trending
New Test For Parents To Detect Masturbation

New Test For Parents To Detect Masturbation

Faith Scientists, working in conjunction with Faith Healers and Faith Physicians, have succeeded in making an accurate, over the counter test for parents to detect masturbation activities in their children. The new test, called F.A.P. Certainty™, will be available by the end of 2014. The test, while being marketed towards responsible […]

by September 17, 2014 67 comments Lonnie Childs, Spot a Masturbator
Brother Lonnie Announces Efforts to Repeal 19th Amendment

Brother Lonnie Announces Efforts to Repeal 19th Amendment

When Barak Obama signed the 19th Amendment into law few could have seen the unintended disastrous consequences.  LIEberal activist judges have taken liberties with this new law imbuing it with rights that were never intended.  The 19th Amendment was designed to make female circumcision legal and somehow these hactivist judges […]

Tina’s Law and Your Tax Dollars at Work

Tina’s Law and Your Tax Dollars at Work

As fellow Christians and believers in Brother Lonnie’s divinity you are well aware that South Dakota recently passed Tina’s Law which bans masturbation and dangerous interracial coupling. Many of the naysayers have asked how can you enforce such a law and our answer has always been the Council of Morality […]

Rachel Evans

Parents put 16 year old Girl up for Adoption after Catching her Masturbating

(StopMasturbationNOW)—.An East Carolina couple have made national news by being the first parents to put their child up for adoption due to masturbation. 16 Year old Rachel Evans admitted to masturbating to a lesbian scene in a penthouse branded magazine she had “borrowed” while babysitting. Usually parents give up their […]

by September 16, 2014 66 comments Family Values, Morals, Trending
(source: By BuzzWoof (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons)

Masturbating Teen Dies After Jellyfish Attack

A Florida man is dead after being swarmed by box jellyfish in the waters off of Apollo Beach over the weekend. Tampa Bay authorities have identified the man, Martin Robertson, 18, of South Tampa and have confirmed he was alone at the time of the attack. Initially it was unknown […]

by September 16, 2014 49 comments Animals, Death
Texas Worker Fired For Pizzabation

Texas Worker Fired For Pizzabation

GEORGETOWN TEXAS-(SMNNN) An 18-year-old pizza store employee in Texas has been charged with a felony after police say he rubbed his genitals on food he was preparing for a customer. The Georgetown Police Department arrested Austin Symonds last week and charged him with tampering with a consumer product. Sadly, he […]

by September 16, 2014 4 comments Lifestyle, Morals, Spot a Masturbator, Trending
NFL Superstar, Adrian Peterson, Arrested for Spanking “The Gay” Out of His Son

NFL Superstar, Adrian Peterson, Arrested for Spanking “The Gay” Out of His Son

  Last week, Minnesota Vikings quarterback, Adrian Peterson, was arrested in his hometown for a mysterious domestic violence charge. This came on the heals of Jerry Rice’s suspension and dismissal from the Baltimore colts for disciplining his wife in an Atlantic City elevator. Today, the Cobb County prosecutor announced that […]

by September 16, 2014 9 comments Celebrity
The Sperm Bank: Satan’s Clone Factory

The Sperm Bank: Satan’s Clone Factory

A story has been circulating the Worldwide Web about an extreme masturbator, Zheng Gang, died committing the sin of masturbation while on the premises of a sperm bank. It seemed like the proper time to expose the horror know as the “sperm bank”. Your average “sperm bank” is a Obama […]

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