Hollywood, CA – Leaked footage cut from the finished Left Behind, this year’s anticipated blockbuster Christian film from director Vic Armstrong and starring Nicolas Cage, apparently shows Cage masturbating for a full 12 minutes prior to the return of Jesus. The books, written by Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins, […]
We may have figured we’d heard the last of them, but the sinister homosexual noise band, Queen, has released another splattering of dread onto the faces of the public. The deeply offensive tracks in their current live album were actually taken from a concert that occurred years ago. The music […]
Encountering a masturbator in the wild can be frightening if you don’t recognize the warning signs. Pictured is your typical brain-dead masturbator, capable of only making guttural groaning noises, hurling insults that only the most remedial 3rd grade dropout might find amusing and, of course, masturbation. Be aware of the […]
The Menstrual Hut Procedures and Guidelines *Note: The following is a living document subject to refinement, adjustment, and reinterpretation by Brother Lonnie in conjunction with the B.L.U.F.F. Council of Elders (Eldership). Revisions may occur without notice; however, they become Campus Law as soon as they are bound to print. Any […]
Hey there Normals of the faithful flock! Do you fear handshakes in public because masturbators with their spooge-covered hands are all around us? Are you tired of constantly doing moisture checks on your SRAS to make sure she’s not spelunking in her sin cave? Worried that there might be MRFPs […]
Hello, my name is Lonnie Childs and I am the founder and president of the STOP Masturbation NOW self-celibacy movement. Welcome to my netsite. Many years ago, while living at home as a 25 year-old youth, my mother walked in on me as I raped myself an image of black […]
Oh, righteous of women, serve your man the brewed nectar of grain and hops for with he shall enjoy the nfl action. Make not appearances without a scrumptious snack or beverage in silent servitude, for the action is intense and worthy of thy male eyes. Forthwith, during halftime, pleasure thou […]
SAFFORD, ARIZ. — Did you know Stop Masturbation Now Ministries Inc. is GIVING AWAY a fully semi-automatic AR-15 assault rifle? Yes! For a limited time, you can enter the official SMN Rifle Raffle to win a brand new high-tech tactical Armalite AR assault gun! This Colt AK-15 assault submachine rifle […]
(STOP MASTURBATION NOW NEWS) — Today, Friday September 19, 2014, most American’s are joyously celebrating Talk Like a Pirate Day. But for the Marine Wildlife Preserve in San Francisco California today was a day to celebrate a victory. The first successful Baleen Whale abortion. Faithless human Americans of questionable moral […]
Preventing masturbation is a cause that has been championed throughout history by many great normals. Among the outstanding members of this fraternity of morality and decency, one man stuck out like a sore-thumb, and eventually, rose to become the cream of the crop of medical anti-masturbation. I speak of none […]
