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Alleged Texts Point Toward Pope Francis Orchestrating Recent Black Mass

Alleged Texts Point Toward Pope Francis Orchestrating Recent Black Mass

Oklahoma City, OK – Good news sometimes comes from unfortunate circumstances, and we all know that God works in mysterious ways. Dakhma of Angra Mainyu Syndicate, a small denomination of self-raping satan worshippers, recently performed a Black Mass in Oklahoma City – and thousands of Catholics and REAL Christians showed […]

by September 26, 2014 3 comments World
Brother Lonnie Saves Flight From Terrorist Attack

Brother Lonnie Saves Flight From Terrorist Attack

In a scene straight out of a Hollywood script, Brother Lonald “Lonnie” Childs saved everyone aboard a Virgin Airlines flight to Los Angeles from a self-rape terrorist attack by notorious masturbater Doug Adams with the help of Jesus and his blunderbuss “Ol Tess”. Adams attempted to bring down the flight […]

Increased self-confidence

Seven Things You Can Expect When Quitting Masturbation

KEY LARGO, FLA. — For those serious about taking their physical, emotional and spiritual health back into their own hands, here are seven great things you can expect after quitting masturbation once and for all. 1. Increased self-confidence. Since masturbation results in self-doubt, self-loathing and general disorientation, your focus as […]

by September 26, 2014 7 comments Lifestyle, Self-Rape Prevention, Trending
Pioneers in Anti-Masturbation, Episode Two: Neil Armstrong

Pioneers in Anti-Masturbation, Episode Two: Neil Armstrong

HISTORY (SMNNN) Welcome once more to our serial series of great Pioneers in Anti-Masturbation! Today, we showcase Lunar Spacestronaut Neil Armstrong, first man to leave the flat disc of the Earth, and set human foot upon the Moon. In the 1940s or some time about there, Young Neil grew up […]

by September 26, 2014 13 comments Celebrity, History, Lexicon, Lifestyle, Science
Masturbation Left Me Deformed!

Masturbation Left Me Deformed!

  Today, normals of the faithful flock, I’m going to introduce you to Bryce*. At first glance, Bryce seems Normal enough: He’s a Caucasian male, early thirties, has a good job at a PR firm, follows the teachings of Christ, and always brakes for animals. Looks can be deceiving, however. […]

Bitter and Angry Obama Flings Coffee in Marine’s Face

Bitter and Angry Obama Flings Coffee in Marine’s Face

When President Obama disembarked his helicopter in New York on Tuesday, he created a firestorm by doing what he has done thousands of times before: Salute the Marine standing on the tarmac. Only this time, he had a cup in his hands, and he somewhat awkwardly delivered the salute while […]

by September 25, 2014 9 comments Celebrity, Politics
The Self-Rape Salute: PresiDON’T Obama Disgraces His Office Yet Again

The Self-Rape Salute: PresiDON’T Obama Disgraces His Office Yet Again

Barack Hussein Obama, our first Muslim President, has disgraced the office of POTUS time and again during the six long years we’ve had to endure him. Bowing to foreign dignitaries, playing golf, wearing the wrong color, being the wrong color — there’s just nothing this arrogant, godless man won’t do […]

It’s never too early to save their soul

It’s never too early to save their soul

The FaithFact Engineers have finally solved the age old dilemma of how to teach your infant not to masturbate. With this effective, yet stylishly functional centerpiece, you can proudly display your self-rape free Christian values and keep an eye on your little ones while keeping Satan from tempting them to […]

Teens Renting Storage Units To Engage In Secret Masturbation

Teens Renting Storage Units To Engage In Secret Masturbation

Teenagers have found yet another way to engage in risky masturbation behind the backs of their parents, legal guardians and church leaders according to law enforcement officials. An increasing number of teens have resorted to either renting private storage units or, in more desperate cases, breaking into storage lockers in […]

by September 24, 2014 4 comments Family Values, Morals, Trending
10 Famous People who Died from Masturbation

10 Famous People who Died from Masturbation

(StopMaturbationNOW)—Even though it is proven that masturbation is a top ten cause of disease, it still remains popular among some celebrity circles as “cool” and “hip”. However there is nothing “cool” and “hip” about death. David Carradine David Carradine is an American actor and martial artist, best known for his […]

by September 24, 2014 17 comments Celebrity
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