Oklahoma City, OK – Good news sometimes comes from unfortunate circumstances, and we all know that God works in mysterious ways. Dakhma of Angra Mainyu Syndicate, a small denomination of self-raping satan worshippers, recently performed a Black Mass in Oklahoma City – and thousands of Catholics and REAL Christians showed […]
In a scene straight out of a Hollywood script, Brother Lonald “Lonnie” Childs saved everyone aboard a Virgin Airlines flight to Los Angeles from a self-rape terrorist attack by notorious masturbater Doug Adams with the help of Jesus and his blunderbuss “Ol Tess”. Adams attempted to bring down the flight […]
KEY LARGO, FLA. — For those serious about taking their physical, emotional and spiritual health back into their own hands, here are seven great things you can expect after quitting masturbation once and for all. 1. Increased self-confidence. Since masturbation results in self-doubt, self-loathing and general disorientation, your focus as […]
HISTORY (SMNNN) Welcome once more to our serial series of great Pioneers in Anti-Masturbation! Today, we showcase Lunar Spacestronaut Neil Armstrong, first man to leave the flat disc of the Earth, and set human foot upon the Moon. In the 1940s or some time about there, Young Neil grew up […]
Today, normals of the faithful flock, I’m going to introduce you to Bryce*. At first glance, Bryce seems Normal enough: He’s a Caucasian male, early thirties, has a good job at a PR firm, follows the teachings of Christ, and always brakes for animals. Looks can be deceiving, however. […]
When President Obama disembarked his helicopter in New York on Tuesday, he created a firestorm by doing what he has done thousands of times before: Salute the Marine standing on the tarmac. Only this time, he had a cup in his hands, and he somewhat awkwardly delivered the salute while […]
Barack Hussein Obama, our first Muslim President, has disgraced the office of POTUS time and again during the six long years we’ve had to endure him. Bowing to foreign dignitaries, playing golf, wearing the wrong color, being the wrong color — there’s just nothing this arrogant, godless man won’t do […]
The FaithFact Engineers have finally solved the age old dilemma of how to teach your infant not to masturbate. With this effective, yet stylishly functional centerpiece, you can proudly display your self-rape free Christian values and keep an eye on your little ones while keeping Satan from tempting them to […]
Teenagers have found yet another way to engage in risky masturbation behind the backs of their parents, legal guardians and church leaders according to law enforcement officials. An increasing number of teens have resorted to either renting private storage units or, in more desperate cases, breaking into storage lockers in […]
(StopMaturbationNOW)—Even though it is proven that masturbation is a top ten cause of disease, it still remains popular among some celebrity circles as “cool” and “hip”. However there is nothing “cool” and “hip” about death. David Carradine David Carradine is an American actor and martial artist, best known for his […]
