(Stop Masturbation Now)—We get this question often. What effect does self-raping your sin stick have on penis length long term? Both men and women use the length of a penis to determine the potential of a person. Well, thanks to a $50,000 grant from the Foundation for a Better […]
Safford, Arizona – Jacob Reznor and Anthony Steward, two members of the BLUFF community, have been cleared of all charges in the disappearance and alleged murder of Sarah Josephine Richards. This controversial decision was passed down today in the Graham County Superior Court, dismissing all evidence against the two men […]
SAFFORD-ARIZONA (SMNNN) Brother Dr. Skippy Enis, B.L.U.F.F liaison to Monsanto Company announced today that the huge multi-national poison, tasty food, and G.M.O, super corporation, has begun production of the first human/dolphin chimera. Says Dr. Enis, ” Brother Lonnie Childs himself, and his personal attache Doug Pinnick, have been in talks […]
By: TheRev Leroy Jenkins SAFFORD, AZ. (BLUFF Press, LLC.) The pastor and two members of a Safford, AZ church pleaded not guilty Monday to state charges of beating and threatening the life of a 13-year-old boy caught masturbating into the holy water, who was forced to dig his own grave, […]
NEW YORK, NEW YORK, NEW YORK — (SMNNN) Former pop artist and Lonvidian rising star, Justin Bieber, failed in an attempt to justify vandalism he allegedly committed against his neighbor back in January. Bieber’s legal team contended that the “egg throwing” was for “religious purposes” and not a random act […]
A new procreation-themed learning park for Christian children will open Friday at Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts compound resort in Arizona. Childs Youth Procreation Adventure is designed specifically for children as young as 3 to learn about the dangers of masturbation and Homogayness. “The Christian procreation park completely embodies the idea of creating an environment focused […]
By: TheRev Leroy Jenkins El Cajon, CA — DHS Press Release: A deadly new strain of masturbation is killing pot-weed injection addicts across the nation, they are calling it Masturbation Addiction Dementia Death, MADD, and has issued a Threat Level Red warning to parents everywhere to be alert to the […]
WEST SACRAMENTO, CALIF. — (SMNNN) As the interest in professional sports continues to wane in the United States, ESPN has attempted to be proactive in their approach to avoid otherwise inevitable bankruptcy. Instead of trying to create interesting and provocative programming on their multiple television networks; ESPN has chosen […]
Dear TheRev Leroy Jenkins, I learned long ago in my formative years while matriculating at St. Pia Zadora Catholic Prep School that every sperm is sacred, thus masturbation is a mortal sin. However, it begs the question; Is menstruation also a sin since the ovum is wasted? Sincerely, Arthur […]
(Stop Masturbation Now)— Germany today routed the Mexican state of Brazil 7-1 in soccer. Germans, using a combination of preserving precious bodily fluids and using only Caucasians proved too much for the very dark skinned Brazilians. At one point in the match Germans scored 4 goals on 10 minutes. A […]
