Masturbation Mythbusters: Medical Masturbation – The Dismal ScLIEnce

May 30, 2014 5

Myth:

It is OK to let doctors masturbate me because scLIEnce says that I must allow them to smear my paps!

Status: B U S T E D!

Nice try ladies! This line of reasoning completely falls apart when one considers the findings of The Foundation for a Better Tomorrow, which clearly establishes that any mitigation of health outcomes attributed to medical masturbation fall well bellow the threshold for statistical significance. Moreover, it has been clearly demonstrated that petitioning for divine intervention yields […]

SMN Exclusive Interview

May 30, 2014 3

Fred Rogers on his son Elliot

 

Masturbation, Apple, & Feminism drove him over the edge

By TheRev Leroy Jenkins

In an exclusive interview with SMN and BLUFF Press, LLC. The father of Elliot Rogers, Fred Rogers, shares his heartbreaking insight into what drove his son to go on a bloody rampage on the streets of  Isla Vista, CA. Friday night.

Fred Rogers fought back tears as he told of how his son Elliot was a young boy of 7 when he bought him his […]

The Dangers of Inappropriate Office Boners (I.O.B.) and How to Stop Them!

May 30, 2014 1

Have you ever been afflicted by an Inappropriate Office Boner (I.O.B.) at work?  It’s an embarrassing condition that can be caused by one of the following three things:  too-tight slacks, the tawdry new intern and her suggestive clothing, or thoughts of carpet bombing a foreign nation such as Canada.

The most effective way to rid yourself of the I.O.B. is to discreetly slip off into the men’s room and place a cold spoon on the offending organ.  I know it sounds […]

Super Mario 3d World Linked to Juvenile Delinquency

May 25, 2014 2

Christian families are seemingly double-pressed in modern times when attempting to raise their children with proper respect and adherence to the morals which would enhance their lives and lead them to a productive adulthood. Tomorrow’s leaders need a proper upbringing to avoid the pitfalls laid down by the devil which would circumvent all parental efforts to rear their young.

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Breaking News: Portland Oregon Water Contaminated With Semen… Thousands at Risk

May 23, 2014 3

(StopMasturbationNOW)— About 670,000 residents in Oregon were advised Friday to boil drinking water after several tests showed semen in some water samples, the Portland Water Bureau said.

Hipsters masturbating in the towns mountainous reservoirs is most likely the cause. Masturbation is one of the fastest methods for spreading disease.

 

The boil water advisory is issued to about 670,000 customers in the Portland Water Bureau and the Burlington, City of Gresham (north of Interstate 84), Lake Grove, Lorna Portland Water, Palatine Hill, Rockwood, […]

TheRev’s Daddy tip of the day

May 22, 2014 2

Real Dad’s sneak into his daughters room while she is sleeping to sniff her fingers to see if she is spelunking in Satan’s SinCave. It is your job to keep her from safe from self rape and the awful side effects such as the horrible stigma, the pot weed addiction, the herpes,  the AIDS, and the palsy that comes from it. When doing your evening, midnight, and early morning finger sniff test, Remember this rule of thumb:

“If they […]

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