You Can Fool Yourself But You Cannot Fool God: Masturbation is Self-Rape

August 31, 2014 11

Many of the masturhaters who troll this holy netsite have convinced themselves that masturbation is “hip” and “cool”.  Tell me, is burning in Hell for eternity “hip” and “cool”?  The faithfact is that masturbation is a form of self-rape.  Not so “cool” now, is it?  STOP Masturbation NOW and become saved!  Praise!


God bless some of you!


-Lonnie Childs

BLUFF Librarian Publishes Book, Library Burns To The Ground

August 30, 2014 11

Stafford, AZ – The Lonnie Childs Private Library, operated and managed by Alicia Stephenhopper, has burned to the ground under suspicious circumstances. The state of the art facility, offering the latest dial-up internet access and dozens of books and publications to the members of the BLUFF compound, will be closed indefinitely pending a decision by the Normal Council of Men to rebuild the facility.

“I honestly don’t know who would do this. I’m just heartbroken about the whole thing. […]

Merriam-Webster Adds Anti-Masturbation Word to Their Dictionary : FAPSTINENCE

August 28, 2014 8

After months of lobbying, we here at STOP Masturbation NOW are proud to announce a major victory over the powerful forces of Big Masturbation and enemies of God-given morals everywhere!  Praise!  The good folks at Merriam-Webster have added the word “Fapstinence” to their dictionary, acknowledging all of the hard work our self-celibacy movement has achieved while striking a devastating blow to those who would lock their bedroom doors on Christ so that they can rape themselves.


God bless some of you!

-Lonnie […]

Bill Gates Donates $1 Million To Gun Control; $2 Million To Tina’s Law

August 27, 2014 4

American Billionaire and sometimes computer whiz kid, Bill Gates, shocked second amendment advocates when he donated $1 million (SMD) to a Washington State campaign to expand background checks on gun sales. The Gates family’s disturbing anti-Bill of Rights donation was negated moments later when Gates donated $2 million (USD) to a committee to get Tina’s Law passed in Washington State.

Tina’s Law, as our staff writer Carlos Danger explains, “makes masturbation illegal and sets up a ‘Council of Morality’ appointed by Brother Lonnie to […]


August 26, 2014 12

By TheRev Leroy Jenkins

The Femitheist is a 22-year-old criminology student with a three-year-old. One angry day in 2012 she took to the Internet to outline the brutal concept of International Mastubater Castration Day. After posting it on YouTube she stepped out for a coffee. Returning home a few hours later, she found that all gnashing masturbater hell had broken loose.

Her argument was that only through the reduction of the masturbater population to between 1 and 10 percent of their […]

Say “NO” To Pornographics!

August 25, 2014 12

A recent survey shows 85 percent of rapes and molestations are reenactments of a porn video/DVD. This means every time someone downloads an internet pornographic, there is an 85 percent chance that it will eventually result in a rape or molestation of a child. 

It’s not normal to give kids beer to help them “relax” – but on masturbation, it is.

If you, or someone you know, is hurting children with masturbation please call (888) 276-6760 (operators are standing by).


This message of […]

Masturbation Triggered Japasian Landslides

August 25, 2014 26

HIROSHIMA, Japasia – The devastating landslides that rocked Japasia and caused numerous deaths and billions of yen worth of property damage were determined to have been triggered by massive and furious masturbation, according to scientists working for the Foundation For a Better Tomorrow.

Although the communist government does not officially recognize private property in Japasia, a quick examination of the disaster area is enough to make estimates.

The unstable ground of Japasia’s Pacific RIm Island, along with the erosion caused by streams […]

Anti-Masturbation Victory; Kari Byron To Leave ‘Mythbusters’ ScLIEnce Show

August 24, 2014 16

Discovery channel scLIEnce program, “Mythbusters”, took a controversial step by firing three cast members, including masturbator favorite Kari Byron. The official version of the story given by the network and the cast members was that the show will be “going in a new direction” next season.

Thankfully, this kind of soft core porn mixed with scLIEnce will no longer sully the Discovery Channel.

Fans of the scLIEnce program took to social networking to express their sadness for Byron, along with fellow “build […]

Big Masturbation Announces ‘This Ain’t Stop Masturbation Now’ Film

August 24, 2014 16

Big Masturbation announced, by way of one of their pornography shell companies, that they plan to film a ‘porn parody’ of Lonnie Childs and His popular Stop Masturbation Now movement. At press time it was not known who has been cast to play the role of Our Savior, Lonnie Childs. With the press release, Fantasy Candy Films also released what is believed to be only a partial cast list, including alleged “stars” of sin Asa Akira, Jayden James, Priya Rai […]

TSA Backscatter Scanners Successful In Reducing Masturbation

August 23, 2014 7

A two-year study by the Foundation For A Better Tomorrow found that the TSA Backscatter Anti-Terrorist Scanners not only kept America safe but also reduced the urge to masturbate in those travelers zapped by the machines.

Faith Researcher and spokesman Paul Nelson explains, “We followed travelers that went through the Backscatter X-Ray scanners and those that went through the standard metal detectors at several U.S. airports. After tracking their masturbatory habits over a two-year period, we found that travelers exposed to the Backscatter […]

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