Archive for November, 2014

Top Five Animals In Danger Of Extinction Due To Masturbation

Top Five Animals In Danger Of Extinction Due To Masturbation

THE ENVIRONMENT- (SMNNN) Masturbation, and the dreaded Masturbation Residue Film Particles (MRFPs) endanger all living things, but some animal and species are in danger of going the way of the Great Normal Rhinoceros and the giraffe, and becoming extinct from masturbation. Here is a list of the most endangered animals: […]

by November 17, 2014 6 comments Death, Science, Supernatural Disaster, World
Black Football Fan Steals Gift from Nice White Girls

Black Football Fan Steals Gift from Nice White Girls

(StopMasturbationNOW)—People from New Orleans are terrible people. They build their homes below sea level and then when they get flooded they whine and complain and expect people the rest of the country to rebuild their homes. Well today in a nice football game against the Cincinnati Bengals a New Orleans […]

by November 16, 2014 7 comments Sports
Pre-Coming Of The Apocalypse May Have Already Begun

Pre-Coming Of The Apocalypse May Have Already Begun

WATERBURY CT- (SMNNN) The End of Days maybe be upon us all, thus ringing in the beginning of the Rapture, and it all centers on one small city in the forgotten state of Connecticut. Waterbury CT, a small and once-cursed by Native Tee-Pee and Wigwam Indians to be an uninhabitable […]

(image source: By Thue (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons)

100% Of All Car Accidents Are Caused By Masturbators

The world’s last great think tank, The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow, recently finished an 18 month study on the root cause of automobile accidents. The results they found, while predictable, were still shocking to the average American who still has not accepted Lonnie Childs as their personal anti-self-rape savior. […]

by November 13, 2014 18 comments Death, Faith Graph, Lonnie Childs, Morals
Photo of the self-rapist stopped by Bruce Danus.

Diaries of a Masturbator Hunter

As a member of the Anti-masturbation neighborhood watch in my community, it is my duty to watch all the houses in our neighborhood for potential self-rapists. I am in charge(Self-promoted) of making sure that people keep their yards well groomed, conduct themselves in a civil manner in public, keep blacks […]

by November 11, 2014 27 comments Spot a Masturbator
Mikhail Gorbachev (image source: SpreeTom (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (], via Wikimedia Commons)

Gorbachev Claims World on Brink of ‘New Cold War’; Expects New Golden Age of Anti-Masturbation

1980s Communist leader, Mikhail Gorbachev, has come forth to alert the world that it is on the brink of a “new Cold War”. Gorbachev speculates that once this “new Cold War” begins, worldwide masturbation rates will plummet like they did during the peak of the original “Cold War”. Speaking in […]

by November 10, 2014 7 comments World
The best way to keep your kid's hands busy is reading the Bible, or karate.

Karate Khrist and Kids: A New Program to Keep Your Kids Off Self-Rape

We must be ever vigilant in the war against Big Masturbation. They want to turn our children into self-rapists any chance they get. Well, now there is a program designed to strengthen their bodies, minds and souls. Karate Khrist & Kids is a Lonnie Childs approved program, which will not […]

by November 9, 2014 26 comments Self-Rape Prevention
Top Five Animals To Go Extinct From Masturbation

Top Five Animals To Go Extinct From Masturbation

NATURAL HISTORY-(SMNNN) Throughout the approximately 8,500 years the world has existed, many animals have gone extinct, but only a few notable animals have gone extinct from masturbation. Here’s a list of the top five: 1) The Tasmanian Tiger. The thylacine was the first large cat to go extinct from masturbation […]

by November 8, 2014 27 comments Animals, History, Supernatural Disaster
Lena Dunham: Masturbation Led to Abuse of Sister, Green Hair

Lena Dunham: Masturbation Led to Abuse of Sister, Green Hair

HBO actress and writer Lena Dunham is catching a firestorm of criticism after bloggers have called attention to a number of shocking revelations in her book, Not That Kind of Girly. In the book, Dunham talks about her privileged upbringing and her ultra-rich left-wing artist parents, growing up in a […]

by November 4, 2014 10 comments Celebrity
Masturbator saved by Bruce Danus.

Bruce Danus Saves The Life of a Masturbator

It was a cold, rainy night in Portland, OR; the home of the most masturbators in America, because it is the home of the most hipsters in America. I was waiting for a bus to take so I could preach the good words of Lonnie to a captive audience, when […]

by November 4, 2014 16 comments Big Masturbation
Help Stop Masturbation Now!
Get the latest content first.
We respect your privacy.