Family Values

(image source: Detienne MC (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons)

New Female Masturbation Solution

Brother Lonnie’s Anti-Masturbation Research and Development team has recently completed work on one of their most ambitious projects to date; a contraption that serves as a solution to the female masturbation problem. The new product, dubbed the “Sin Cave Stopper®” by Brother Lonnie, himself, has reached the final testing stages […]

Are “Crotch Selfies” the new Hip Masturbation Trend?

Are “Crotch Selfies” the new Hip Masturbation Trend?

  (StopMasturbationNow)—Masturbation and technology. Two words that seem forever linked. From pornographic internets sites to online dating, masturbators seem to embrace technology at a dangerous pace. Always trying to stay ahead of parents and watchdog organizations once a technology is exposed they move on to something new. The latest most […]

Brother Lonnie Approves New Program For Converted Homogays

Brother Lonnie Approves New Program For Converted Homogays

As a former homogay I spend many a restless night thinking back on my past lascivious lifestyle while praying long and hard to fight the temptations to return to the homogay cabal. After fifteen minutes of rest I begin praying long and hard again. As I was gripped in the […]

by December 23, 2014 10 comments Disciples, Family Values, Politics
(image source: turydddu @ Flickr, retouched by JovanCormac ([2]) [CC-BY-2.0 (], via Wikimedia Commons)

19-Year-Old Girl Drowns Masturbating In Shower

19-Year-Old Becky Hawkins of Pink Hill, North Carolina met the same fate that befalls 100% of all masturbators when she died committing the sin of self-rape in her shower. Masturbating in the shower is very popular, particularly with females. You can check this site if you don’t believe it, as […]

When the going gets tough, the Blecks go shopping.

Pastor Lonnie Childs Calls For Peace in Ferguson, Mo.

SAFFORD, ARIZ. — Pending the announcement of the grand jury verdict in Ferguson, Mo. clearing Officer Darren Wilson of wrongdoing in the shooting of robbery suspect Michael Brown, angry protesters vowed to take their rage to the streets regardless of the decision. With racial tensions flaring anew, Childs urged the […]

by November 24, 2014 12 comments Family Values
You Are Cordially Invited…

You Are Cordially Invited…

You are cordially invited, that’s right, the entire Internet is invited, to celebrate the Holy Matrimony of my Brother Myron Danus to his Lonnie-approved, Same Race Assigned Spouse, Paula Austin, on Friday December 12th at 6pm. The wedding ceremony itself will be a private function for family and friends at […]

by November 22, 2014 23 comments Family Values
Imagine a world without self-rape.

Thursday Sermon

I’m sad to report that lately this holy netsite has been besieged by vicious masturbators who’ve resorted to personal attacks, foul language, threats of physical violence, pro-masturbation memes and displays of anti-social behavior in general.  I pray at these people daily… “Lord, please provide us the strength to repel these […]

by November 20, 2014 13 comments Family Values
Do You Really Want Your Children to Have a Parent That Masturbates?

Do You Really Want Your Children to Have a Parent That Masturbates?

by November 19, 2014 10 comments Family Values
Save Masturbators From Hell This Halloween!

Save Masturbators From Hell This Halloween!

Today is Halloween and while most moral Christians will be hunkered down in their homes with their children, Bibles and guns clutched close, the secular world will send their children up to stranger’s doors begging for handouts like the Obama-Socialist zombies they are. This year, we fight back! As Christians, […]

by October 31, 2014 24 comments Family Values
(source: By original author unknown; University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.Zscout370 at en.wikipedia [Public domain or Public domain], from Wikimedia Commons)

University of North Carolina Investigation Reveals Almost Entire Current Enrollment Confirmed Masturbators

CHAPEL HILL, N.C. A report, called the Wainstein report after U.S. Justice Department official Kenneth Wainstein who conducted the investigation, has found that over the course of two decades nearly 3100 University of North Carolina students were involved in academic dishonesty. More disturbing is the finding that over one half […]

by October 23, 2014 4 comments Family Values, Morals, Sports, Trending
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