Family Values

Mother Milk, A Good Start For Your Child?

Mother Milk, A Good Start For Your Child?

We all know eating the wrong food has many unhealthy side effects, like heart disease and cancer.  But no one knew indulging the wrong foods also ensures one will surrender quickly to the sinful pleasures of masturbation. The earlier a child eats the wrong foods, the more harmful consequences in […]

by October 9, 2014 9 comments Family Values
Attempt to Cremate 500lb Masturbator Burns Down Crematorium

Attempt to Cremate 500lb Masturbator Burns Down Crematorium

HENRICO-VA (SMNNN) Alfonzo (last name withheld) died last week of masturbatory semen toxemia, a horrible condition caused by years of shameless and compulsive self-rape, which causes it’s victims to inflate with excess semen due to an over-stimulated sin-center in the masturbatory cortex. Alfonzo suffered from this disease for weeks until […]

A Guide to Disciplining Your Same-Race Wife, Without Breaking the Law

A Guide to Disciplining Your Same-Race Wife, Without Breaking the Law

  Today’s modern woman can often times forget what her role in life is thanks to the liberal media and mental disorders, like “feminism.” Often times, the illusion of equality leads to divorce. A good husband will not just refuse to treat his wife as a disposable item, he will […]

by September 30, 2014 32 comments Family Values
Brother Lonnie Saves Flight From Terrorist Attack

Brother Lonnie Saves Flight From Terrorist Attack

In a scene straight out of a Hollywood script, Brother Lonald “Lonnie” Childs saved everyone aboard a Virgin Airlines flight to Los Angeles from a self-rape terrorist attack by notorious masturbater Doug Adams with the help of Jesus and his blunderbuss “Ol Tess”. Adams attempted to bring down the flight […]

It’s never too early to save their soul

It’s never too early to save their soul

The FaithFact Engineers have finally solved the age old dilemma of how to teach your infant not to masturbate. With this effective, yet stylishly functional centerpiece, you can proudly display your self-rape free Christian values and keep an eye on your little ones while keeping Satan from tempting them to […]

Teens Renting Storage Units To Engage In Secret Masturbation

Teens Renting Storage Units To Engage In Secret Masturbation

Teenagers have found yet another way to engage in risky masturbation behind the backs of their parents, legal guardians and church leaders according to law enforcement officials. An increasing number of teens have resorted to either renting private storage units or, in more desperate cases, breaking into storage lockers in […]

by September 24, 2014 4 comments Family Values, Morals, Trending
Thou Shall Make NFL Sunday a Holy Day

Thou Shall Make NFL Sunday a Holy Day

Oh, righteous of women, serve your man the brewed nectar of grain and hops for with he shall enjoy the nfl action. Make not appearances without a scrumptious snack or beverage in silent servitude, for the action is intense and worthy of thy male eyes. Forthwith, during halftime, pleasure thou […]

by September 21, 2014 4 comments Family Values, Lonnie Childs, Sports
John Harvey Kellogg, respected anti-masturbationist, sane  and regulated Normal.

Pioneers In Anti-Masturbation, Episode One

Preventing masturbation is a cause that has been championed throughout history by many great normals. Among the outstanding members of this fraternity of morality and decency, one man stuck out like a sore-thumb, and eventually, rose to become the cream of the crop of medical anti-masturbation. I speak of none […]

Christians Forsaking God To Make Room For iOS 8

Christians Forsaking God To Make Room For iOS 8

Apple’s roll out of their new mobile operating system, iOS 8, has already met iPhone users with a host of new problems to contend with. Early reports are showing potential problems with iTunes replacing music files but that is a problem for users that can even download the update to their […]

by September 18, 2014 8 comments Family Values, Morals, Trending
Brother Lonnie Announces Efforts to Repeal 19th Amendment

Brother Lonnie Announces Efforts to Repeal 19th Amendment

When Barak Obama signed the 19th Amendment into law few could have seen the unintended disastrous consequences.  LIEberal activist judges have taken liberties with this new law imbuing it with rights that were never intended.  The 19th Amendment was designed to make female circumcision legal and somehow these hactivist judges […]

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