In Brother Lonnie’s first and only round of golf, he has managed to shatter the 18 hole record of 34 set by North Korean dictator/professional athlete Kim Jong-Il back in 1994 which was also Kim’s one and only round of golf. Kim Jong-Il’s 38 under par round included […]
Safford, AZ- In groundbreaking research released today, it was proven that President Barack Obama masturbates more than any other President. The independent research think tank Foundation For a Better Tomorrow detailed months of research that found that the 44th President masturbates at double the rate of the next high-masturbation President. […]
As part of STOP Masturation NOW’s ongoing mission to eradicate masturbation, Lonnie Childs has sponsored legislature in 18 of the 50 states to make masturbation illegal. Tina’s Law (named after black pop singing sensation Tina Turner) makes masturbation illegal and sets up a “Council of Morality” appointed by Brother Lonnie […]
SAFFORD, ARIZONA. B.L.U.F.F GRAPHCENTER (SMNNN) A terrible explosion ripped it’s way across the B.L.U.F.F Graphcenter at 2:32 a.m. on July 20th, 2014, killing two interns and wounding dozens. The B.L.U.F.F Graphcenter, state of the art graph production center, is the most expensive graph production facility in the world. Officials […]
Safford, AZ- in an amazing show of Lonnie’s power and the love of our Lord, youth at our annual BLUFF Teen Campaway outing performed a 65 hour prayer circle for the janitor on site. Unaware that he was being prayed for, James Willford, a former agnostic and admitted African-American, claims […]
SAFFORD, ARIZ. — Here at Stop Masturbation Now, we eschew the practice of ejaculatory orgasm as a wasteful and sinful release. Our mission is to educate you of its negative physical and spiritual consequences. Ever since Onan spilled his seed upon the ground, men have been shooting putty with […]
Masturbation is a gateway drug to rape. It also leads to sexual dysfunction, erodes family values, and is a top ten cause of disease. – Lonnie Childs
