Spot a Masturbator

New Test For Parents To Detect Masturbation

New Test For Parents To Detect Masturbation

Faith Scientists, working in conjunction with Faith Healers and Faith Physicians, have succeeded in making an accurate, over the counter test for parents to detect masturbation activities in their children. The new test, called F.A.P. Certainty™, will be available by the end of 2014. The test, while being marketed towards responsible […]

by September 17, 2014 67 comments Lonnie Childs, Spot a Masturbator
Tina’s Law and Your Tax Dollars at Work

Tina’s Law and Your Tax Dollars at Work

As fellow Christians and believers in Brother Lonnie’s divinity you are well aware that South Dakota recently passed Tina’s Law which bans masturbation and dangerous interracial coupling. Many of the naysayers have asked how can you enforce such a law and our answer has always been the Council of Morality […]

Texas Worker Fired For Pizzabation

Texas Worker Fired For Pizzabation

GEORGETOWN TEXAS-(SMNNN) An 18-year-old pizza store employee in Texas has been charged with a felony after police say he rubbed his genitals on food he was preparing for a customer. The Georgetown Police Department arrested Austin Symonds last week and charged him with tampering with a consumer product. Sadly, he […]

by September 16, 2014 4 comments Lifestyle, Morals, Spot a Masturbator, Trending
9/11 Was an Inside Handjob

9/11 Was an Inside Handjob

  Today, we mark the 13th anniversary of the September 11, 2001 attacks which brought this nation to its knees (homogays were already there, of course). Like the Kennedy Assassination, we all remember where we were the moment we heard the news. Most of us were in the middle of […]

Pelosi Outburst Caused By Masturbation Addiction

Pelosi Outburst Caused By Masturbation Addiction

In a shocking display of unprofessionalism, liberal House Minority Leader, Nancy Pelosi, chased Republican Tom Marino across the House floor during a recent debate. Pelosi, allegedly offended by statements Marino made about her party’s lack of leadership lashed out at Marino, asserting that she did try to do something about the border […]

by August 5, 2014 14 comments Politics, Spot a Masturbator
Don’t Diddle & Drive

Don’t Diddle & Drive

Top 5 Celebrities Who Have Died From Masturbation.

Top 5 Celebrities Who Have Died From Masturbation.

WATERTOWN CT- (SMNNN) Masturbation, or self-rape, as the sinful practice of self-sexual gratification is known, has long been a leading cause of death. Over the decades, Hollywood has had more than it’s fair share of auto-erotic-suicides. Here’s a list of the top five.   5)- Ernest Borgnine Mr Borgnine, star […]

World Least Funny Atheist, Also World’s Most Prolific Masturbator

World Least Funny Atheist, Also World’s Most Prolific Masturbator

  THE ISLAND OF UNITED KINGDOMS- (SMNN) The world’s least funny man, noted filthy atheist Ricky Gervais admitted today, that he is also the world’s most prolific masturbator. Gervais admits to masturbating in excess of 300 times daily. Ricky Gervais, horrible non-humourous atheist, has long been known to be pure […]

by July 30, 2014 2 comments Celebrity, History, Morals, Spot a Masturbator
A Jam Band Masturbation-orgy recruitment flyer.

“Jam Band”: A Rising Problem

      WATERTOWN CT (SMNNN) “ …every song the Grateful Dead wrote was about masturbation, Satan or fornication! Some lyrics: ” Born in the jungle, raised in the lions,den. Numba one occupation, stealin’ wimmens from dey mans.”- One of their songs TRANSLATION: I am a sub-human beastophile. My job […]

TheRev bathing the masturbaters in his Golden Shower of Truth

TheRev Leroy Jenkins live at UCLA Campus

I love taking the Stop Masturbation Now message to the Liberal Bastions of the HomoGay Big Masturbation Institutions of Higher Learning and the Self-Raping Liberal youths enrolled there. Today was an especially good day as I beat down the HomoGay Self-Rapist Matt Walker with the good word and bathed him […]

by July 25, 2014 13 comments Spot a Masturbator
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