Big Masturbation has reportedly taken control of the “Days Inn” chain of budget hotels. An Instagram user discovered what they referred to as the “mosr (sic) accurate ‘do not disturb’ sign ever. All that’s missing is the furious and deeply shameful masturbation.” Traditionally, the “Do Not Disturb” sign has been used to alert […]
ISLAND MEXICO (SMNNN) Often, we here at Stop Masturbation Now Ministries are asked just how successful are we at converting heathen, self-rapist, foreigners into useful, upstanding, God-fearing, productive members of society. Today, we lambast the nay-sayers, and sinning unbelievers, who mock us so readily, and often, with the masturbatory drivel, […]
(StopMasturbationNOW)—Women are the number one cause of masturbation, whether it be not keeping their husband satisfied or in how they dress, they are usually to blame. They say you cannot judge a book by its cover, but you sure can judge a woman by how she dresses. Here is a […]
(StopMasturbationNOW)—In the beginning it was the evil female that first tempted MAN into the forbidden fruit that was masturbation. Well women never stopped. The latest female temptation is combining heels with the yoga pants. Yoga pants or heels were bad enough by themselves, however combined they create a almost ruthless […]
25:1 And the LORD spake unto Lonald, saying, 25:2 Speak unto the superior gendered children of B.L.U.F.F., that they bring me offerings: of every self celibate that giveth it willingly with his pure heart ye shall take my offering. 25:3 And this is the offering which ye shall take of […]
(StopMasturbationNOW)— Until recently we had never heard of Caitlin Stacey. Apparently she is an Australian (Island Mexican) “Actress” who has starred in such films as “Tomorrow”, “When The War Began” and the docudrama “Reign”. She is a 24 year old normal skinned girl, however inside she only seeks to corrupt […]
(StopMasturbationNOW)—One of the major trials for parents is trusting your house and child to a young stranger. Whether it be Bible study, PTA meetings, or an evening on the town, many parents need to hire a teenage female to be a substitute parent for an evening. Unfortunately that babysitter may […]
(StopMasturbationNOW)—On Monday the greatest player in the history of football took the field once again. Tim Tebow worked out for the Philadelphia Eagles to showcase his abilities. The last team to workout Tebow, the Patriots, won the Super Bowl just last month. Tebow, who entered the NFL after a memorable […]
(StopMasturbationNOW)—Mormons sure are a conundrum, we need their votes to help keep liberals in check, but their polygamy ways and weird beliefs conflict with the teachings of Lonnie. Probably the most famous Mormon of late is Mitt Romney, 2012 republican presidential nominee and former governor of Massachusetts. Well now Mitt […]
In a rare move of anything resembling sanity, the military government of Thailand has spoken out against lesser-gendered members of the Thai populace making pornographic styled pictures of themselves. Specifically the men in charge of the Thai government are enraged about these lesser gendered members of their society taking photos […]
