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In-Depth Interview with Big Masturbation

In-Depth Interview with Big Masturbation

SECRET LOCATION- SOMEWHERE (SMNNN) We at Stop Masturbation Now are pleased to present this interview with an actual high-ranking official of Big Masturbation. Our own Professor Doctor Wizard Cardinal Thomas Kelly interviewed this “person” about the goals of the B.M movement. Thomas Kelly: Hello, welcome. Would you care to explain […]

This little guy wants you to think about him the next time you masturbate.  #SaveTheChildren

Children Are Our Future. Think About Them The Next Time You Self-Rape.

The future is here and now, people. We are currently living with the people who will control our World for the rest of our lives. If you live a normal lifestyle, you may make it to 80 or 90 now, but realisticly, you will be dead by 50-60 years old […]

by December 15, 2014 19 comments Morals
Dick Danus is a war hero!!!  Respect him and his new wife.

A Day of Tragedy, Remembrance and Joy

A day that was meant to be a glorious event full of love, the marriage of Myron Danus to Paula Austin, turned to tragedy today, but we at the Stop Masturbation Now compound are not people who let a death in our group stop us from helping to create new […]

by December 14, 2014 20 comments Death
Ban the Term “Diddly-squat”

Ban the Term “Diddly-squat”

In this week’s “Ranting Towards Redemption With Brother Cassidy” column, I provide insight toward the use of a phrase that I find highly unacceptable due to its offending nature. My dear friends in Christ Through the Lonaldian Way, as many of you are aware, I minister to troubled youths and […]

by December 9, 2014 9 comments Morals
The Currency of Big Masturbation

STOP Masturbation NOW Under Attack By Paid Shills!

Matthew 6:24 – “…You cannot serve both God and money.”   As the STOP Masturbation NOW self-celibacy movement becomes more successful and influential, it appears that the pushback from our detractors has increased as well.  It’s obvious that the masturbation lobby fear us and monitor our online activities.  Like a […]

by December 9, 2014 14 comments Big Masturbation
(image source: turydddu @ Flickr, retouched by JovanCormac ([2]) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons)

19-Year-Old Girl Drowns Masturbating In Shower

19-Year-Old Becky Hawkins of Pink Hill, North Carolina met the same fate that befalls 100% of all masturbators when she died committing the sin of self-rape in her shower. Masturbating in the shower is very popular, particularly with females. You can check this site if you don’t believe it, as […]

Words of Hope and Inspiration-With Brother Cassidy

Words of Hope and Inspiration-With Brother Cassidy

If a man desires to place his tallywhacker inside the anal rump of his lessor gendered normal same race appointed spouse (LGN SRAS), he is committing the homogay. It does NOT matter if the brown star entry is behind a flesh cave or behind a dangling tallywhacker; the anus chute […]

by December 2, 2014 16 comments Morals
Shia Labeouf Self-Raped at Art Exhibit

Shia Labeouf Self-Raped at Art Exhibit

Los Angelos, CA- (SMNN) Actor Shia Labeouf, known for movies such as Even Stevens and Transformings 4: Rise of The Batman, told pretty much anyone who would listen, that he was a victim of self-rape at an art exhibition. During the exhibition, Labeouf wore a paper bag on his head […]

Masturbation Prevention

Masturbation Prevention

“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?” 1 Corinthians 6:19 NAS Today’s culture loves to promote the lie that we own our body and God is cool […]

by November 28, 2014 22 comments Self-Rape Prevention
Local War Hero Battles City Hall

Local War Hero Battles City Hall

Please congratulate B.L.U.F.F.’s own, Cassidy Pen, for his successful efforts to sandpaper small hand tool handles in Stafford. The newspaper writeup follows:

by November 25, 2014 16 comments Politics
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