![(image source: By Thue (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons)](https://stopmasturbationnow.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Car_crash_1-174x131.jpg)
The world’s last great think tank, The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow, recently finished an 18-month study on the root cause of automobile accidents. The results they found, while predictable, were still shocking to the average American who still has not accepted Lonnie Childs as their personal anti-masturbation savior. Car […]
As a member of the Anti-masturbation neighborhood watch in my community, it is my duty to watch all the houses in our neighborhood for potential self-rapists. I am in charge(Self-promoted) of making sure that people keep their yards well groomed, conduct themselves in a civil manner in public, keep blacks […]
![Mikhail Gorbachev (image source: SpreeTom (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons)](https://stopmasturbationnow.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Michail_Gorbatschow_BE2-1-174x131.jpg)
1980s Communist leader, Mikhail Gorbachev, has come forth to alert the world that it is on the brink of a “new Cold War”. Gorbachev speculates that once this “new Cold War” begins, worldwide masturbation rates will plummet like they did during the peak of the original “Cold War”. Speaking in […]
We must be ever vigilant in the war against Big Masturbation. They want to turn our children into self-rapists any chance they get. Well, now there is a program designed to strengthen their bodies, minds and souls. Karate Khrist & Kids is a Lonnie Childs approved program, which will not […]
NATURAL HISTORY-(SMNNN) Throughout the approximately 8,500 years the world has existed, many animals have gone extinct, but only a few notable animals have gone extinct from masturbation. Here’s a list of the top five: 1) The Tasmanian Tiger. The thylacine was the first large cat to go extinct from masturbation […]
HBO actress and writer Lena Dunham is catching a firestorm of criticism after bloggers have called attention to a number of shocking revelations in her book, Not That Kind of Girly. In the book, Dunham talks about her privileged upbringing and her ultra-rich left-wing artist parents, growing up in a […]
It was a cold, rainy night in Portland, OR; the home of the most masturbators in America, because it is the home of the most hipsters in America. I was waiting for a bus to take so I could preach the good words of Lonnie to a captive audience, when […]
My dear friends in Christ through Lonnie’s Way, please hear my words as I speak them and trumpet them to all lands of the world! These end times are surely upon us, as the irrefutable warnings have been heard. The events are at hand. This is the Faith of the […]
Today is Halloween and while most moral Christians will be hunkered down in their homes with their children, Bibles and guns clutched close, the secular world will send their children up to stranger’s doors begging for handouts like the Obama-Socialist zombies they are. This year, we fight back! As Christians, […]
Many non normal Americans have been falsely categorized as being ungrateful for the many accomplishments of the normal white man under Brother Lonnie’s supervision. Despite left wing media jibberish, blecks are quite happy to have had their ancestors brought to american via top notch cruise vessels to perform the tasks […]
