Archive for October, 2014

Ebola Mutation Transmitted via Masturbation

Ebola Mutation Transmitted via Masturbation

The Foundation For a Better Tomorrow in association with B.L.U.F.F. has confirmed that a new super strain of Ebola is passed to hosts through masturbation. The virus clings to the outer skin palettes and is launched airborne at the moment of masturbatory climactic release, becoming airborne and susceptible to transmission […]

by October 12, 2014 8 comments Science
Amanda Bynes in 2006, before masturbation nearly destroyed her life.

Profile Of A Famous Masturbator: Amanda Bynes

The allure of Hollywood draws in the unholy from all walks of life. Brother Lonnie has made it clear in the past that no one is safe from the dangers of masturbation; including and especially the rich and famous. In many of these cases, the actor / singer / songwriter […]

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin To Star In The Big Lebowski 2 Which Begins Filming In January 2015

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin To Star In The Big Lebowski 2 Which Begins Filming In January 2015

Hollywood, CA — Exciting news for Big Lebowski fans around the world as a sequel to the cult classic has just been announced. Ethan Coen and Joel Coen, directors of the first Lebowski movie, confirmed with E! Online they will both be returning to direct the sequel. “We’re thrilled to […]

by October 10, 2014 4 comments Fappy, Lonnie Childs
MRFP at 100X magnifications

EbolAIDS Outbreak Begins

The Gulf Region USA- Somewhere in Africa or maybe Asia- (SMNNN) Officials at B.L.U.F.F. microorganism/viral weaponry division, and the at least one capable person at The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow, have declared the the dreaded homogay-induced virus Bad AIDS has mutated, and become the gay upon the proven masturbatory […]

by October 10, 2014 15 comments Animals, Science, Supernatural Disaster, World
Mother Milk, A Good Start For Your Child?

Mother Milk, A Good Start For Your Child?

We all know eating the wrong food has many unhealthy side effects, like heart disease and cancer.  But no one knew indulging the wrong foods also ensures one will surrender quickly to the sinful pleasures of masturbation. The earlier a child eats the wrong foods, the more harmful consequences in […]

by October 9, 2014 9 comments Family Values
Attempt to Cremate 500lb Masturbator Burns Down Crematorium

Attempt to Cremate 500lb Masturbator Burns Down Crematorium

HENRICO-VA (SMNNN) Alfonzo (last name withheld) died last week of masturbatory semen toxemia, a horrible condition caused by years of shameless and compulsive self-rape, which causes it’s victims to inflate with excess semen due to an over-stimulated sin-center in the masturbatory cortex. Alfonzo suffered from this disease for weeks until […]

A Sad Story, But One That Must Be Told…

A Sad Story, But One That Must Be Told…

<Anbar Provence> A young marine, private Lance P. Henderson, of Scottsdale, AZ, was deployed to the Anbar Provence of Afghaninstasia to assist in executing the terror wars. His duties, clearly defined by his company commander, included patrol duties around a mountainous terrain where enemy confrontation was somewhat likely. Before his […]

by October 7, 2014 11 comments Death
Young Woman Develops Ability to Masturbate to Orgasm with Thought Alone

Young Woman Develops Ability to Masturbate to Orgasm with Thought Alone

(StopMasturbationNOW)— As if female masturbation wasn’t scary enough. It seems a young woman has developed the ability to make herself orgasm without any physical interaction. 22 year old Boel Franklin of Centerville Tennessee has come forward recently to demonstrate the ability to orgasm almost at will and only by thought. […]

by October 7, 2014 6 comments Celebrity, Science
This Girl Chose to Masturbate.  You Won’t Believe What Happened Next!

This Girl Chose to Masturbate. You Won’t Believe What Happened Next!

by October 7, 2014 22 comments Clickbait
The Finger Sniff Test-Where Non-Normal Arguments Fail

The Finger Sniff Test-Where Non-Normal Arguments Fail

B.L.U.F.F. – My Dear Friends in Christ, you have been recently enlightened on this Holy Webpage with guidelines to prevent masturbation in your young daughter’s life. The B.L.U.F.F. Finger Sniff Test was presented with the blessings of the Faith Facts Eldership. It has also been proven to be a most […]

by October 6, 2014 19 comments Self-Rape Prevention
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