Self-Rape Prevention

John Harvey Kellogg, respected anti-masturbationist, sane  and regulated Normal.

Pioneers In Anti-Masturbation, Episode One

Preventing masturbation is a cause that has been championed throughout history by many great normals. Among the outstanding members of this fraternity of morality and decency, one man stuck out like a sore-thumb, and eventually, rose to become the cream of the crop of medical anti-masturbation. I speak of none […]

Faith and Drug Adminstration (FDA) Approves New Masturbation Cessation Aid Masturbutrin®!

Faith and Drug Adminstration (FDA) Approves New Masturbation Cessation Aid Masturbutrin®!

In the race to end masturbation, medical interventions are nothing new, but then again neither are male enhancement drugs such as this https://www.vigrx.com/products/vigrx-organic-bio-maca/ and many others. Since the late 1930s, electroconvulsive therapy has been a mainstay of practitioners who love righteousness and hate sin (Shalavin, 2013). But homogays and masturbators […]

3 American Patriots Shamed For Denouncing Self-Rape

3 American Patriots Shamed For Denouncing Self-Rape

I’m sure we’re all aware of how Great American patriots like Todd Akin consistently get shamed by the media for their unconventional views on self-rape. Considering we’re now six years into the nightmare that has been the Obama Administration, such things, while not accepted, are unfortunately expected. However, over the years […]

How to Take a Proper Shower

How to Take a Proper Shower

We’ve all heard the old saying, “Cleanliness is next to Lonnieliness.”. I am going to walk you through the simple steps that I take to properly wash my female form in the shower. It’s so simple that even the most dullest of sexes can comprehend (that means “understand”)! First, I like […]

B.L.U.F.F. Female Masturbation Detection

B.L.U.F.F. Female Masturbation Detection

SMN -My dear friends in Christ. As you are well aware, the fight against the sin of self rape is an ongoing process, one that is never finished. The holy bible, being the first and only needed reference on the topic of morality, contains certain instructions and responsibilities that Christian […]

by August 8, 2014 30 comments Self-Rape Prevention
Karate for Perverts

Karate for Perverts

Masturbation is a same-sex sex-act that one performs on themselves. By doing so, you touch the sex organ of your own gender and become so aroused that you climax. This conditions the body and mind to become a gay. It’s like Karate for perverts. If you do identify as homosexual, […]

Compound children showing the ropes to the new arrivals

Brother Lonnie’s Skin Bleaching Program Proving a Huge Success

Rejoice brothers and sisters! A moment of righteous vindication is upon us. After weeks of false accusations and liberal media criticism, Brother Lonnie’s Bleach Away The Sin therapy for children of dangerous minorities is exceeding all expectations! Hours after an incentive program was introduced guaranteeing certain benefits for the parents of enrolled children, the […]

Seriously? Really Big Masturbation?

Childs Youth to Protest C.L.I.T.T

TUCSON ARIZONA (SMNNN) Big Masturbation’s latest venture, the Community-Linked Integrated Transit System of Tucson (C.L.I.T.T), is set to be protested by Child’s Youth, the under-aged group of religious activists who are so named for Lonald “Lonnie” Childs. The C.L.I.T.T, which is being misrepresented as a transportation system, is actually a […]

by July 31, 2014 2 comments Lonnie Childs, Morals, Politics, Self-Rape Prevention
Brother Lonnie has SPOKEN! Praise!

Scooters Deemed Most Holy and Non-Masturbatory Form of Motorcycle.

SAFFORD- ARIZONA (SMNNN) In a revelation, His Resplendence  Saint Lonnie Childs has decreed motor scooters to be the most  Holy of all motorcycles. Brother Lonnie stated that he was visited by a beautiful seraphim, which along with granting Brother Lonnie The Secret of  The Universe, also decreed scooters to be […]

by July 31, 2014 5 comments Lonnie Childs, Morals, Self-Rape Prevention
The Five Sins of Buying a Sex Toy

The Five Sins of Buying a Sex Toy

My dear friends in Christ. My daily street ministry preaching Brother Lonnie’s SMN message takes me frequently to the local Adult Book/Head Shop in my town’s downtown area. The best ears for Lonnie’s Holy Word are those most infected with sin. Here’s the truth. Masturbation IS a sin, punishable by […]

by July 30, 2014 23 comments Self-Rape Prevention
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