Archive for September, 2014

Is he, or isn't he?

Tipping a Waiter That Might be a Masturbator

Gratuity is a form of appreciation for good service that is only seen in civilized countries like America. A well-tended-to patron with good manners will leave an additional sum to reflect their appreciation for good service. This “tip” is usually between 15-30% of the total bill. However, tipping a suspected […]

by September 30, 2014 25 comments Etiquette
A Guide to Disciplining Your Same-Race Wife, Without Breaking the Law

A Guide to Disciplining Your Same-Race Wife, Without Breaking the Law

  Today’s modern woman can often times forget what her role in life is thanks to the liberal media and mental disorders, like “feminism.” Often times, the illusion of equality leads to divorce. A good husband will not just refuse to treat his wife as a disposable item, he will […]

by September 30, 2014 32 comments Family Values
Eric Holder Resigns Ahead of Looming Masturbation Scandal

Eric Holder Resigns Ahead of Looming Masturbation Scandal

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Disgraced U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder, the nation’s so-called “top cop” and chief legal adviser to President Barack Obama, has announced his imminent resignation as new revelations about the Justice Department’s secretive Operation Fap and Furious come to light. It has been learned that the covert program, […]

by September 29, 2014 6 comments Politics, Trending, World
The Natural Order of the Household

The Natural Order of the Household

Here you will find the new Faith Inspiring poster posted in every classroom on BLUFF campus. This is to remind the student of their place in the world, and their roles as adults and required by Elephatitans 5:1-12: Elephantitans 5:1-12 1 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, and unto […]

by September 28, 2014 15 comments Uncategorized
Suicidal Masturbator Disrupts Travel At Chicago Airports

Suicidal Masturbator Disrupts Travel At Chicago Airports

Travelers trying to use Chicago’s two major airports, Midway and O’Hare, on Friday were met with extreme delays and cancelled flights after a fire at the air traffic control center in Aurora, Illinois. Due to the fire, not only were flights into Chicago either cancelled or delayed, but it created […]

by September 28, 2014 6 comments Trending
B.L.U.F.F. Libary Re-Opens, Receives  New Tank

B.L.U.F.F. Libary Re-Opens, Receives New Tank

Safford AZ-(SMNNN) B.L.U.F.F. library officially re-open, under great ceremony, last evening. The library, having been destroyed in a raging spontaneous fire that had nothing to do with any wizards whatsoever, has been newly renovated, and re-supplied to the fullest capacity. The B.L.U.F.F library now contains every imaginable type of projectile […]

by September 27, 2014 10 comments History, Lifestyle, Supernatural Disaster
Alleged Texts Point Toward Pope Francis Orchestrating Recent Black Mass

Alleged Texts Point Toward Pope Francis Orchestrating Recent Black Mass

Oklahoma City, OK – Good news sometimes comes from unfortunate circumstances, and we all know that God works in mysterious ways. Dakhma of Angra Mainyu Syndicate, a small denomination of self-raping satan worshippers, recently performed a Black Mass in Oklahoma City – and thousands of Catholics and REAL Christians showed […]

by September 26, 2014 3 comments World
Brother Lonnie Saves Flight From Terrorist Attack

Brother Lonnie Saves Flight From Terrorist Attack

In a scene straight out of a Hollywood script, Brother Lonald “Lonnie” Childs saved everyone aboard a Virgin Airlines flight to Los Angeles from a self-rape terrorist attack by notorious masturbater Doug Adams with the help of Jesus and his blunderbuss “Ol Tess”. Adams attempted to bring down the flight […]

Increased self-confidence

Seven Things You Can Expect When Quitting Masturbation

KEY LARGO, FLA. — For those serious about taking their physical, emotional and spiritual health back into their own hands, here are seven great things you can expect after quitting masturbation once and for all. 1. Increased self-confidence. Since masturbation results in self-doubt, self-loathing and general disorientation, your focus as […]

by September 26, 2014 7 comments Lifestyle, Self-Rape Prevention, Trending
Pioneers in Anti-Masturbation, Episode Two: Neil Armstrong

Pioneers in Anti-Masturbation, Episode Two: Neil Armstrong

HISTORY (SMNNN) Welcome once more to our serial series of great Pioneers in Anti-Masturbation! Today, we showcase Lunar Spacestronaut Neil Armstrong, first man to leave the flat disc of the Earth, and set human foot upon the Moon. In the 1940s or some time about there, Young Neil grew up […]

by September 26, 2014 13 comments Celebrity, History, Lexicon, Lifestyle, Science
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