SECRET LOCATION- SOMEWHERE (SMNNN) We at Stop Masturbation Now are pleased to present this interview with an actual high-ranking official of Big Masturbation. Our own Professor Doctor Wizard Cardinal Thomas Kelly interviewed this “person” about the goals of the B.M movement. Thomas Kelly: Hello, welcome. Would you care to explain […]
The future is here and now, people. We are currently living with the people who will control our World for the rest of our lives. If you live a normal lifestyle, you may make it to 80 or 90 now, but realisticly, you will be dead by 50-60 years old […]
In this week’s “Ranting Towards Redemption With Brother Cassidy” column, I provide insight toward the use of a phrase that I find highly unacceptable due to its offending nature. My dear friends in Christ Through the Lonaldian Way, as many of you are aware, I minister to troubled youths and […]
![(image source: turydddu @ Flickr, retouched by JovanCormac ([2]) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons)](https://stopmasturbationnow.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/1024px-High_speed_shower_filtered-174x131.jpg)
19-Year-Old Becky Hawkins of Pink Hill, North Carolina met the same fate that befalls 100% of all masturbators when she died committing the sin of self-rape in her shower. Masturbating in the shower is very popular, particularly with females. You can check this site if you don’t believe it, as […]
If a man desires to place his tallywhacker inside the anal rump of his lessor gendered normal same race appointed spouse (LGN SRAS), he is committing the homogay. It does NOT matter if the brown star entry is behind a flesh cave or behind a dangling tallywhacker; the anus chute […]
Los Angelos, CA- (SMNN) Actor Shia Labeouf, known for movies such as Even Stevens and Transformings 4: Rise of The Batman, told pretty much anyone who would listen, that he was a victim of self-rape at an art exhibition. During the exhibition, Labeouf wore a paper bag on his head […]
WATERBURY CT- (SMNNN) The End of Days maybe be upon us all, thus ringing in the beginning of the Rapture, and it all centers on one small city in the forgotten state of Connecticut. Waterbury CT, a small and once-cursed by Native Tee-Pee and Wigwam Indians to be an uninhabitable […]
![(image source: By Thue (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons)](https://stopmasturbationnow.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Car_crash_1-174x131.jpg)
The world’s last great think tank, The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow, recently finished an 18-month study on the root cause of automobile accidents. The results they found, while predictable, were still shocking to the average American who still has not accepted Lonnie Childs as their personal anti-masturbation savior. Car […]
(StopMasturbationNOW)—Once a proud Christian holiday, Halloween was filled with candy, kids costumes, and pumpkins However this year masturbators have decided to ruin Halloween for everyone by turning innocent costumes into dinguses. The Unicorn Vibrator “Have a good time at the costume party then go home and self-rape” Is what this […]
![(source: By original author unknown; University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.Zscout370 at en.wikipedia [Public domain or Public domain], from Wikimedia Commons)](https://stopmasturbationnow.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/University_of_North_Carolina_Tarheels_Interlocking_NC_logo-174x131.png){kind=logo}
CHAPEL HILL, N.C. A report, called the Wainstein report after U.S. Justice Department official Kenneth Wainstein who conducted the investigation, has found that over the course of two decades nearly 3100 University of North Carolina students were involved in academic dishonesty. More disturbing is the finding that over one half […]
