As fellow Christians and believers in Brother Lonnie’s divinity you are well aware that South Dakota recently passed Tina’s Law which bans masturbation and dangerous interracial coupling. Many of the naysayers have asked how can you enforce such a law and our answer has always been the Council of Morality […]
(StopMasturbationNOW)—.An East Carolina couple have made national news by being the first parents to put their child up for adoption due to masturbation. 16 Year old Rachel Evans admitted to masturbating to a lesbian scene in a penthouse branded magazine she had “borrowed” while babysitting. Usually parents give up their […]
GEORGETOWN TEXAS-(SMNNN) An 18-year-old pizza store employee in Texas has been charged with a felony after police say he rubbed his genitals on food he was preparing for a customer. The Georgetown Police Department arrested Austin Symonds last week and charged him with tampering with a consumer product. Sadly, he […]
A story has been circulating the Worldwide Web about an extreme masturbator, Zheng Gang, died committing the sin of masturbation while on the premises of a sperm bank. It seemed like the proper time to expose the horror know as the “sperm bank”. Your average “sperm bank” is a Obama […]
Safford, Arizona: Local philanthropist and leader of SMN Ministries, Lonnie Childs, has finished construction of The Tempura Center for Women. SMN spokesman, August Weitz, spoke on behalf of Lonnie Childs when addressing the press today. “All too often, Masturbation takes the form of Rage and Violence, known to all of […]
There have been many outrageous changes in the roles of the sexes over the past 60 years. Militant feminism, internet pornographics and dangerous minorities have forever corrupted the core family values of our great nation. As a result, the expectation of men and the standard we are held to has morphed a […]
BOCA RATON, FLA. — As everyone knows, masturbators are almost always depressed, socially retarded shut-ins. Their world consists of fixating on distasteful online pornographies flooding the Internet and beating their own privates to a pulp. Since their lives revolve around the one sinful act of Onanism, other aspects such as faith, family, […]
Danvers ME-(SMNNN) Elementary school students of Danvers, Maine have tested at an all-time low, and masturbation is to blame, say new studies done by B.L.U.F.F. Aqua-management Surveying Division. Masturbation Film Residue Particles, or MFRPs, as they are more popularly known, from Snow Mexican seminal fluids , are believed to have […]
SPACE- (SMNN) Noted liar, Black sLIEnce Man, Neil Degrasse Tyson, and his on-again off-again homogay boyfriend Michio Kaku are claiming that Non-Normal Holes are infesting space, and are present all over the Universe. Both charlatans claim that these Non-Normal Holes were formed, get this, BILLIONS of years ago and are […]
“Our prayers will heal the damage to your soul from life of masturbation, but only time will heal your vagina.” – Brother Doug Pinnic The fact that masturbation gives you the Gay, is basic Faith Science. And if we learned anything from Tom Cruise’s movie “Philadelphia”, is that unlike famous basketball […]
