PHOENIX, ARIZ. — In a fiery press conference, Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio angrily defended the arrest of Pastor Lonnie Childs at his mobile soup kitchen outside a Phoenix homeless shelter. On Saturday evening, the Christian pastor was charged by Sheriff’s deputies with violating a recently enacted law prohibiting food-sharing operations […]
(StopMasturbationNow)—Obama is a terrible president. No wonder he can be found here laughing at the grotesque film “2 girls 1 can” on an Macintosh ipad. Will Farrell is best known for starring in the Vacation movies alongside Denis Quaid. I cannot wait until we have a whiter president […]
Los Angelos, CA- (SMNN) Actor Shia Labeouf, known for movies such as Even Stevens and Transformings 4: Rise of The Batman, told pretty much anyone who would listen, that he was a victim of self-rape at an art exhibition. During the exhibition, Labeouf wore a paper bag on his head […]
(StopMasturbationNOW)— An actor who recorded 10 hours of catcalls and remarks from passersby in New York City has received self-rape threats in response to a video detailing the harassment, the advocacy group that commissioned the video said on Tuesday. It is well known that masturbation is self-rape. An act violating […]
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CHAPEL HILL, N.C. A report, called the Wainstein report after U.S. Justice Department official Kenneth Wainstein who conducted the investigation, has found that over the course of two decades nearly 3100 University of North Carolina students were involved in academic dishonesty. More disturbing is the finding that over one half […]
HENRICO-VA (SMNNN) Alfonzo (last name withheld) died last week of masturbatory semen toxemia, a horrible condition caused by years of shameless and compulsive self-rape, which causes it’s victims to inflate with excess semen due to an over-stimulated sin-center in the masturbatory cortex. Alfonzo suffered from this disease for weeks until […]
Further proving that golf is an evil sport that should be banned, a deranged masturbator took a golf club and murdered nearly 1000 chickens in a facility near Fresno, California. The facility, owned by chicken manufacturer, Foster Farms, claimed that 920 chickens were murdered “with a golf club or other […]
Men! Do you take a look around and wonder what kind of hell has gotten into women today? Does your spouse’s eyes frequently wander toward some damned afternoon-killing mall sale where she’s going to run into some jabber-mouthed friend to yak with for hours on end pretending to hide her […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Disgraced U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder, the nation’s so-called “top cop” and chief legal adviser to President Barack Obama, has announced his imminent resignation as new revelations about the Justice Department’s secretive Operation Fap and Furious come to light. It has been learned that the covert program, […]
Travelers trying to use Chicago’s two major airports, Midway and O’Hare, on Friday were met with extreme delays and cancelled flights after a fire at the air traffic control center in Aurora, Illinois. Due to the fire, not only were flights into Chicago either cancelled or delayed, but it created […]
