Morals
How To Spot a Masturbator
Most people wash their hands as a way to stay clean and prevent the spread of harmful germs. When using the restroom, a normal person will wash their hands upon entering the restroom so as to not spread bacteria and viruses to their genitals, and then relieve themselves afterwards. This […]
“Spin the Bottle”: A Harmless Rite of Passage or Dangerous Masturbation Ritual?
Some say that the pre-teen game “spin the bottle” is harmless fun; a time where whimsical memories are created, a rite of passage for many a youth. The naïve people who believe this couldn’t be more wrong! **SPIN THE BOTTLE IS A GATEWAY DRUG TO A GROUP MASTURBATION GAME CALLED […]
Shameful Dad Walks in on His Daughter Masturbating and Does Nothing to Help Her!
By Nigel J. Covington III Sex Expert October 17, 2018 Dear Nigel, I walked in on my daughter when she was masturbating the other day. I was shocked, but I said nothing — I simply left the room. I have not discussed this with her or with my wife since. […]
Youth Pastor Announces that Masturbation is Healthy and Does Not Make You Gay, Church Burns to Ground
Cason, TX is a small community, barely on the map and tucked deep inside NE Texas among pine trees and red clay earth. Proud people live there – good people of God, quick to lend a hand when help is needed and slow to change as the world passes them […]
SMN Ministries Announces Boycott and Protest of Masturbation Movie “A Cure For Wellness”
“And when the LORD saw it, he abhorred them, because of the provoking of his sons, and of his daughters.” — Deut 32.19 In an expected move, SMN Ministries has announced its intention to protest the newest release from Regency Enterprises. A Cure for Wellness is Hollywood’s newest Big Masturbation […]
David Bowie Dead Of Cancer
ENGLAND, PROBABLY, MAYBE SCOTLAND (SMNNN) Horrible androgen Martian-spider/human hybrid Sex-goblin rockpop icon, and profuse masturbator David Bowie succumbed to various masturbation related cancers today, he was 69 years old. Bowie, long an androgynous mess of a waste of sinning oxygen, had a long and storied career beginning in 1978 when […]
Self-Purity: The Newest Teenage Fad?
It seems like every generation is more confused than the generation before it. In the 50’s it was “cool” to wear poodle skirts and comb your hair. In the 60’s, it was “hip” to dress like a homeless person and avoid soapy water while the sexual revolution introduced masturbation into […]
83 Signs Your Underage Daughter is a Harlot
[Special thanks to Larry Thomas for his contribution to this sacred undertaking] Ever wondered if your daughter was a harlot? There are obvious signs, like if she watches some of the hot videos on watchmygirlfriend regularly. But now you can know for sure! According to recently updated BDSM-5 (Biblical Diagnostics […]
Brother Lonnie Childs Declares The Ten Commandments Now The Eleven Commandments
B.L.U.F.F CAMPOUND, SAFFORD AZ (SMNNN) Brother Lonnie Childs revealed today, that God himself, in all his Godly splendor and wisdom, decreed unto Brother Lonnie the command to augment the traditional Ten Commandments, and replace them throughout the Christian world with the New Eleven Commandments. The Eleven Commandments remain largely unchanged […]
