(StopMasturbationNOW)-Last week was a feel good moment for us here at StopMasturbationNOW. We had just launched our first satellite the Childs1 into space. Unfortunately, less than one week into service hackers have taken over the satellite and are now using it to distribute interracial gay porn from websites such as […]
(StopMasturbationNOW)— Stop Masturbation NOW, a division of SMN Heavy Industries and Chemical, today proudly launched their first satellite into orbit. Named Childs1, the geostationary satellite is capable of broadcasting anti masturbation related materials as well as do experiments. “Childs1 hopes to be the first of many devices planned for this […]
SAFFORD AZ (SMNNN) A chilling result of a study, released by Brother Lonnie’s University of Faithfacts, and The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow, entitled: “Masturbation Residue And It’s Effects On The Global Climate “ outlines the direct impact of the masturbator and it’s filth, on the peaceful, God-fearing innocent peoples […]
Once upon a time, our white-male-cis-hetero Forefathers were instructed by God to construct a vessel of righteousness and flee the wicked and perverse generation of the Church of England. Anglicans had legalized marijuana and masturbation, thereby ushering in the long decline of Western civilization. The Puritans and/or Pilgrims sought to […]
By: Cassidy Pen, SMN Sclience Reporter Arabia, Middle East – Newly discovered artifacts from an architectural dig has uncovered what is most likely the ancient birth place of the late despotic Iraqi Ruler, Saddam. The fiery fate of the doomed city of Saddam has captured the imaginations of archaeologists and […]
(StopMasturbationNOW)—There is nothing in the universe more disgusting or selfish than female masturbation. To prove this point we got a $50,000 grant from the Federal Government and The Foundation for a Better Tomorrow. Nothing is more true than someone’s natural instinct and immediate reaction. So we exposed 100 people to […]
A “friend” shared a completely disgusting article the other day that claimed a “scientific study” recently found that men ejaculate larger amounts of sperm when they’re with, what they called, “novel” women. I was initially suspicious of this posting, so I read further and realized that this was not a […]
We here at Stop Masturbation Now Ministries often hear the dribble from masturbators that “Too much build-up of sperm in your system is un-healthy.” While that is partially true, it is not entirely true. Have you ever wondered why nobody dies from too much build-up? After all, people die […]
(StopmasturbationNOW)—Masturbation has been a long proven top ten cause of disease, a gateway drug to rape, and is the leading cause of homosexuality and erosion of family values. However we are just now realizing the damage that masturbation does to the environment. After 26 years of keeping quiet, a monster black hole […]
SMNNN- (B.L.U.F.F PRODUCT RESEARCH AND DEVELOPMENT) Hello Faithfriends, Chosen Normals and Pledged Self-Chastes, and our allies! Today we are pleased to present the answer to all your portable anti-masturbation needs, the newly unveiled Anti-Masturbation Go-Board ™, the collapsible restraint system designed by the same people who designed the Anti-Masturbation Cross […]
