(StopmasturbationNOW)—A lot of parents don’t take into account masturbation when they name their child. However did you know that a persons name is directly related to how much they masturbate? Here is a list of the top 5 boys and top 5 girls names for masturbation. Boys: Acqwon Darkeem Barack […]
The scourge of masturbation is now on its death throes as the efforts of Brother Lonald “Lonnie” Childs and a recent decision by the Supreme Court has made “Tina’s Law” mandatory in all 50 states. “Tina’s Law”, named after black singing sensation Tina Turner has made masturbation illegal with fines, […]
The leading cause of masturbation among men is lack of sex. The leading cause of female masturbation is also lack of sex. What is the solution? Answer: more procreation with your same-race spouse. Unfortunately, many spouses become unmotivated for sex at the exact moment that their spouse is. This creates […]
Have you ever caught your own child wrestling Satan’s grasp on their genitals? Have you come home to a moaning spouse, watching an episode of “Three’s Company?” What do you do in this situation? Sure you may spank the gay out of your kids, or discipline your spouse with […]
SMNNN- (B.L.U.F.F PRODUCT RESEARCH AND DEVELOPMENT) Hello Faithfriends, Chosen Normals and Pledged Self-Chastes, and our allies! Today we are pleased to present the answer to all your portable anti-masturbation needs, the newly unveiled Anti-Masturbation Go-Board ™, the collapsible restraint system designed by the same people who designed the Anti-Masturbation Cross […]
SMNNN (WASHINGTON D.C.) Weather.com reports rain and thunderstorms in the Washington D.C. today, following the landmark decision by the Supreme Court to recognize gay homosex marriage and queerosexual unions, and to disobey the Lord and his holy wishes, ultimately ushering in the Rapture, signifying the beginning of the end of […]
(StopMasturbationNOW)— Jimmy Fallon won’t be taping “The Tonight Show” on Friday due to a hand injury, an NBC spokesman told TheWrap. Although the network will be airing a repeat while Fallon recovers, the spokesman assured that the comedian is fine, otherwise. An individual with knowledge of the situation confirmed reports […]
B.L.U.F.F. SAFFORD AZ – Mobile phones and devices have become an increasing fixture in American life during the last decade or two. It seems that a person can go nowhere without finding citizens fiddling away with their noses in a cellular phone or tablet electronic device. Pastors and Ministers have […]
(StopMasturbationNOW)—One of the most popular television shows this decade has been The Walking Dead. It is a show about a rag tag group of survivors fighting their way through a post-apocalyptic world. The show seems innocent enough, however our data shows a marked increase in masturbation and masturbation related activities […]
Ten years ago, the “Smart Phone” was unveiled. The entire world of the Information Super Highway soon became available in a “handy” little device. You could surf the entire world wide of webs and: find directions, check your stocks, send a text message, order a pizza, etc. You could […]
