(StopMasturbationNOW)—Masturbation is a top ten cause of disease and also destroys American Family Values. Almost as much as making people gay liberals love to make people masturbate, whether it be television shows like Modern Family or movies like the Avengers, masturbation is everywhere. Usually its the innocent that make the worst victims […]
[Editor’s Note: This post was originally written on April 20th] Today, as millions around the world celebrate the birth of Adolf Hitler, I am reminded of the genocide that is happening right under our noses. Literally. Each day in America, there are an estimated 250 million acts of male masturbation, […]
Superbowl winning superstar quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles, Tim Tebow has been convicted of first degree murder and sentence to life without parole. Brother Lonnie has called for the public to withhold judgment until all the facts are known. In his statement Brother Lonnie cautioned against judging God’s favorite white […]
(StopMasturbationNOW)—We aren’t the biggest fans of Mormons we need their votes to help keep liberals in check, but their polygamy ways, weird beliefs, and soft stance on Masturbation conflict with the teachings of Lonnie. However in the last Presidential election Mormon Mitt Romney was defeated by Barack Hussain Obama in the […]
![(image source: By English: Lance Corporal Antonio J. Vega, United States Marine Corps [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons)](https://stopmasturbationnow.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/US_Marines_MOUT_practice-174x131.jpg)
According to sources within Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts, the United States has ‘accidentally’ leaked a map that B.L.U.F.F. was using for internal strategy purposes. The map in question featured the Southwest of the United States and labeled the areas that Brother Lonnie and His advisors had planned to […]
(StopMasturbationNow)—Canadian SS squads recently uncovered a massive underground tunnel dug near the Pan American games site in the Canadian capital of Toronto. Initially Canadian authorities were baffled at the mysterious tunnel. The mysterious tunnel measured more than 6 feet in height, nearly 3 feet in width and about 33 feet […]
Houston TX (SMNN) A great offense against Our Lords took place in Houston, Texas, when a non-Normal-lesser-gendered married her own self, most likely, having caused the baby Jesus to weep on the cross out of rage and shame. Non-Normal-Lesser-Gendered Yasmin Eleby, proudly married herself, in a direct affront to decency […]
As a former homogay I spend many a restless night thinking back on my past lascivious lifestyle while praying long and hard to fight the temptations to return to the homogay cabal. After fifteen minutes of rest I begin praying long and hard again. As I was gripped in the […]
Please congratulate B.L.U.F.F.’s own, Cassidy Pen, for his successful efforts to sandpaper small hand tool handles in Stafford. The newspaper writeup follows:
It is a well-known fact that all successful school policies found in secular higher-education institutions come from religious schools. This has never been truer than now, as California Governor Jerry Brown signed into law the “Affirmative Consent” bill. This new law eliminates the implied consent that was in-place previously. The […]
