Barack Hussein Obama, our first Muslim President, has disgraced the office of POTUS time and again during the six long years we’ve had to endure him. Bowing to foreign dignitaries, playing golf, wearing the wrong color, being the wrong color — there’s just nothing this arrogant, godless man won’t do […]
Hello, my name is Lonnie Childs and I am the founder and president of the STOP Masturbation NOW self-celibacy movement. Welcome to my netsite. Many years ago, while living at home as a 25 year-old youth, my mother walked in on me as I raped myself an image of black […]
Oh, righteous of women, serve your man the brewed nectar of grain and hops for with he shall enjoy the nfl action. Make not appearances without a scrumptious snack or beverage in silent servitude, for the action is intense and worthy of thy male eyes. Forthwith, during halftime, pleasure thou […]
SAFFORD, ARIZ. — Did you know Stop Masturbation Now Ministries Inc. is GIVING AWAY a fully semi-automatic AR-15 assault rifle? Yes! For a limited time, you can enter the official SMN Rifle Raffle to win a brand new high-tech tactical Armalite AR assault gun! This Colt AK-15 assault submachine rifle […]
(StopMasturbationNOW)—According to our Leader Lonnie Childs, the referendum on Scottish Independence has failed. Stop Masturbation Now is the first organization to release the referendum results. The referendum failed by a larger margin than polls indicated. This is mostly due to the fact that younger voters seemed to dominate the polls […]
Faith Scientists, working in conjunction with Faith Healers and Faith Physicians, have succeeded in making an accurate, over the counter test for parents to detect masturbation activities in their children. The new test, called F.A.P. Certainty™, will be available by the end of 2014. The test, while being marketed towards responsible […]
When Barak Obama signed the 19th Amendment into law few could have seen the unintended disastrous consequences. LIEberal activist judges have taken liberties with this new law imbuing it with rights that were never intended. The 19th Amendment was designed to make female circumcision legal and somehow these hactivist judges […]
As fellow Christians and believers in Brother Lonnie’s divinity you are well aware that South Dakota recently passed Tina’s Law which bans masturbation and dangerous interracial coupling. Many of the naysayers have asked how can you enforce such a law and our answer has always been the Council of Morality […]
Safford, Arizona: Local philanthropist and leader of SMN Ministries, Lonnie Childs, has finished construction of The Tempura Center for Women. SMN spokesman, August Weitz, spoke on behalf of Lonnie Childs when addressing the press today. “All too often, Masturbation takes the form of Rage and Violence, known to all of […]
PACIFIC GROVE,CALIF. — This week, forensic investigators announced that 53-year old singer-songwriter John Denver lost control of his light aircraft while masturbating, causing the plane to crash into Monterey Bay, Calif. 17 years ago. The case, which had been closed several years ago following an inconclusive investigation of Denver’s airplane […]
