Faithfact #448 – T-Rex’s Short Arms
DID YOU KNOW? The mighty dragon, T-Rex, once had arms like that of a man but was PUNISHED by God for masturbating and cursed with the short arms he now has today.
Post Tagged with: "Masturbation"
Canine Gigantism Outbreak Hits U.S. East Coast
Jessica King started to notice something was wrong with her prized Golden Retriever, “Rusty”. “Rusty” began eating excessive amounts of dog food and even King’s neighbors noticed that he seemed to be growing larger every day. King, distraught, took “Rusty” to the local veterinarian who was equally baffled. “Rusty”‘s diet […]
“Pornography? On MY SON’S Computer?”
**BREAKING MASTURBATION ALERT** Parents, it has recently come to my attention that pornograpics, i.e., explicit sexual material, can be found on the World Wideweb (www). Have you ever wondered what your son is doing whenever you are not around? Chances are he is locked away in his bedroom, self-raping to […]
Tina’s Law Passed in South Dakota
As part of STOP Masturation NOW’s ongoing mission to eradicate masturbation, Lonnie Childs has sponsored legislature in 18 of the 50 states to make masturbation illegal. Tina’s Law (named after black pop singing sensation Tina Turner) makes masturbation illegal and sets up a “Council of Morality” appointed by Brother Lonnie […]
Hulk Hogan, American, Tries To Break Masturbation Record; Fails
TAMPA, FLA — (SMNNN) Former B movie actor (Muppets from Space, Wrestlemania III) and current belt merchant, Hulk Hogan, received a severe injury to his hand after trying in vain to beat Hugo Lopez’s recent World Record for Masturbation. Hogan, 60, sometimes forgets he’s not the character, Hulk Hogan, that he played […]
New Big Masturbation Sin Device (Video!)
B.L.U.F.F. — Big Masturbation has released a horrifying new masturbation device in the guise of exercise equipment. Please protect your children by reporting and picketing the stores that are selling this device. WARNING: THIS VIDEO CONTAINS HORRIFYING DISPLAYS OF SIN AND SODOMY. PLEASE REMOVE WOMEN, CHILDREN, AND OTHER WEAK-MINDED INDIVIDUALS […]
Argentinian Man Masturbates 83 Times In 24 Hour Period – New World Record
La Falda, Argentina – Residents of a small town in Argentina are celebrating today as one of their own citizens has become the new record holder in the field of masturbation. From 8pm Thursday evening until 8pm Friday night, 22-year-old Hugo Lopez from the city of La Falda masturbated a […]
Lonnie’s Followers Use Weird Trick to Achieve FaithGasm
SAFFORD, ARIZ. — Here at Stop Masturbation Now, we eschew the practice of ejaculatory orgasm as a wasteful and sinful release. Our mission is to educate you of its negative physical and spiritual consequences. Ever since Onan spilled his seed upon the ground, men have been shooting putty with […]
SMN and Lonnie Childs Heckler Charged with Masturbating in Front of Two Girls
HARVEY, Ill. (WLS) A man was arrested and charged after Harvey residents caught him masturbating in front of two girls in the south suburb, police said. Witnesses said he repeatedly claimed that his perverted act and shameful display of his small genitals was related to his anger at finding out […]
Puppy Molested-Former SMN Deacon undergoes psychiatric testing
By TheRev Leroy Jenkins EDWARDSVILLE, Ill. (BLUFF PRESS) – A southwestern Illinois man found mentally fit to stand trial on charges that he molested a puppy is waiting for court officials to decide if he’s a sexually dangerous person. The National Report reports former Stop Masturbation Now Inner Deacon & […]
